


I would have loved you in another place and time

by Incoherentbabblings



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, DC Comics Rebirth, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Missing Scene, New 52, One Shot, Romance, Sad Ending, You know what happens to Tim in that first arc of Rebirth you know how this ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incoherentbabblings/pseuds/Incoherentbabblings
Summary: "Someone else would love her and look at like she was made of star light. Someone else would call her home. Someone else would cradle her at three in the morning after a nightmare, or value her opinions above almost any other.Someone else.She didn’t want someone else. She just wanted Tim.Was that selfish?"Ten missing scenes to expand and fill in the gaps between Tim and Stephanie's first meeting in Batman Eternal #52 to Tim's 'death' Detective Comics #940.
Relationships: Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake
Comments: 20
Kudos: 42





	I would have loved you in another place and time

**Author's Note:**

> So this took a very long time but in my defence... it's a chunky boy. It's best read as a series of semi-connected snapshots to expand on the absolute nothing we got on Tim and Steph's relationship leading up to Rebirth. And if you thought my other fics were plot light...
> 
> Please see the end for the relevant comics for each section. Not that you should need to do homework to understand what they're talking about... but still. There's actually some really interesting stuff in there leading up to Rebirth... yes I am complimenting New 52 Tim. What a weird boy. Speaking of... I am going off of New 52 canon for this, and as we know, New 52 has some wonky characterisations here and there. I hope this fic does some amount of justice to those choices (looking at you Tim).
> 
> Finally, a big thank you to ThatBlondePerson who read through this like four times for me (because I cannot apparently keep track of the different versions floating around on my pc), and thank you to OurHappyGirl who answered all my questions about these two regardless of how dumb they were. 
> 
> Enjoy! Please leave a comment and or a kudos if you did, warms my heart right up!
> 
>  **Edit:** Updated grammar on 22nd November 2020.

* * *

**1.**

_“Sounds like you’re coming round to her.”_

_“No promises. But there’s something about her.”_

Bruce had mentioned Harper wasn’t keen on Stephanie Brown, and after Tim had done that initial quick search of her, Tim could very easily guess why.

She’d seen Stephanie’s blonde hair, big bright smiles, living mother and father, multiple friends, and made a snap judgement.

A spoilt princess.

Harper was many things, but empathetic wasn’t really one of them.

Tim had been taught relentlessly that making snap judgements often led to either over or underestimating someone. But, when looking at the photos of Steph, the ones so easily findable on her Facebook page, he did make a judgement. A very shallow, very easy judgement.

She was very beautiful.

He blinked, from his position hugging Harper, as he saw Stephanie notice from the hallway that he was in the room. He saw her cheeks flush pink, matching that hoodie of hers, and pad barefoot over to the door frame. She looked thrilled to see him, though Tim didn’t really understand why.

She had seen him earlier, at the final confrontation. He had watched as she had thrown a bucket and a punch at Lincoln March, shrieking that she was Batman, protecting Bruce for long enough for help to arrive.

Tim had made another judgement then.

She was very brave.

He had overheard from Bruce that it had been weeks since she had managed to sleep, bathe or eat a proper meal, and seeing her standing in Harper’s doorframe, he could see she looked just a little worn down, a little tired, a little thin. But she was smiling, and her eyes were bright, so whatever she had gone through, her parents’ betrayal, death, abandonment… it hadn’t pulled her so far down.

“So…” she uttered, making Harper jump away from Tim’s hug. “This is the room where you hide the batkids. I’ve been wondering.”

She had a raspy voice, which sounded like vocal strain from shouting (or crying) over a long period of time, but she spoke softly, and warmly.

Harper snarked something back, but neither Red Robin nor Stephanie acknowledged it.

Feeling supremely dorky, Tim tried to think of a proper greeting. Internally berating himself, he held out his hand for her to shake. As if this was a job interview and Stephanie was a candidate for _New Gotham Teen Vigilante_.

He could feel Harper press her lips together, that soon enough she would tease Tim for his poor social skills, something he knew he struggled with, something that had always been ripe for people like Harper or Jason to pull apart and tease. He waited to see if Stephanie would do the same.

Instead he saw her look at him with something akin to naked relief, and she stepped forward into Harper’s room. She held out her own hand and shook Tim’s firmly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Stephanie.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

She was feverishly warm. Red Robin’s gloves were designed not to impede on his sense of touch, but even so, it was unusual for someone’s hands to be that... notably hot.

Stephanie tugged on her hoodie with her free hand, appearing very nervous and shy suddenly. She was still smiling though, and a beat passed, where Tim forgot where he was, and who was in the room with them.

_Take her with you back to New York._

Internally, Tim baulked. Where had that come from? Okay her mother had abandoned her, her father was dead, and she was living with a brother and sister she had only just met, and yes the Teen Titans were his way of giving otherwise directionless teen heroes an outlet to do good but... she didn’t know him. And for all Tim knew, she was done playing dress up.

And if he brought this random blonde girl back with him from Gotham, what would Cassie think?

Oh, Cassie...

Harper not so subtly coughed, and Tim realized that he hadn’t let go of Stephanie’s hand. It seemed she noticed it to, as they had shifted from a handshake to holding each other’s fingers, and the space between them had shrunk to less than one arm’s distance.

Reluctantly, though not understanding why, he let go of Stephanie’s fingers. She immediately snatched her hand back behind her, and it did not escape Tim’s notice that she was cradling that hand with her left. Her face had grown pinker, and she was staring at her feet.

Oh dear.

Uncharacteristically, Tim stumbled back, brain struggling to catch up. “Um...okay. I should go. Probably some kind of um...mischief going on.”

Harper immediately had her arm slung around him, squeezing tight. “Mischief huh?”

Stephanie watched as Red Robin’s cheeks grew bright red, and he hissed at Harper to shut up. He had such pale skin that any color showed up vividly. She saw how uncomfortable he looked in Harper’s hold and tried not to think about why that was.

She couldn’t help but have her brain slide back to her father, despite the scene in front of her. Last time she had seen Red Robin (the first time she had seen Red Robin), he and the other costumed heroes had dived after the bad guy, straight into the city’s sewers.

“Did you find him yet... the guy... the one who killed my dad?”

Harper instantly broke away from Red Robin, who was thankful that Stephanie had changed the subject. He shook his head.

“We found part of his suit in a subway line... it seems like someone got him... We just don’t know who.”

Stephanie heaved a sigh, looking very sad. Obviously. She may have loathed her father, but he had still been murdered.

An awkward silence ensued, then Tim tried to make his exit.

“I am sorry Stephanie,” he looked to Harper, smiling with a closed mouth. “See you around.” Risking another look to Stephanie, he saw her blanche, then very quickly back out of the room.

Harper rolled her eyes, “Seriously that girl...” But when she turned back towards Red Robin, she saw he was also gone.

Tim had gone up, aiming for the roof to reorient himself and head back to his nest, whereupon he would start to make his way back to the Titans. He didn’t like being away from his team for as long as he had. It made him antsy.

The sound of the roof door crashing open made him jump, caught off guard, and he tried not to gawk as Stephanie stumbled onto the roof in her bare feet. Seeing she had caught him perched on the roof ledge, she sprinted over. Tim remained still, amazed that she had been quick enough to catch him. He stared at her bare feet. Bad idea. She would cut herself or be pricked by God knows what or –

“Sorry,” she breathed. “I just wanted to say thank you. In private.”

Tim uncurled and stood up straight. “For what?”

“Harper told me you were reading the stuff I put online about my dad. You were the reason I got taken seriously. Thank you.”

Tim made a third judgement.

She was very kind.

“I...” her thanks wasn’t something that needed to be told in private, so Tim suspected there was something else at play here. Or at least, he suspected as much. Staring at her expectant face, he realized that there was no ulterior motive to her thanks. She seemed honest, almost to her own detriment. Tim could only blink as he remembered she was waiting for a response. “You’re welcome,” he said finally.

Her smile froze a little, and Tim continued to berate himself. He knew he could be cold. He knew he wasn’t much of a people person. Not really. Even the Titans…

“Will I see you around too?” Stephanie asked, blatant hope leaking into her question.

“Hopefully not…” and at that her smile completely cracked and fell. Tim realized he’d put his foot in it and scrambled to explain. “I’m going back to Manhattan for a while.”

“Oh. The Titans, right? I’ve seen you guys on tv. You guys… you guys do a lot of good.”

“Yes, well, that’s what I formed them to do. I don’t spend time in Gotham if I can help it.”

No. No. He was being rude. He was being superior. Dick used to tell him off for it… Dick used to…

“Did something happen?”

“Huh?”

“Gotham’s your home, right? Why wouldn’t you want to… no. Dumb question. It’s Gotham. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave,” she shook her head, mortified at herself. “And it’s none of my business.”

Fourth judgement.

She was very empathetic.

Tim said nothing, just watching her. The more nervous she became, the more she began to babble, to back track and play off her concern.

_Say something. Ask her if she wants to come with you. Say something._

“I can… we can… You have a phone? We can talk? Or email. If that’s still a thing.”

It seemed it was the right thing to say, as Stephanie nodded fervently, smile returning. Tim found more and more he liked her smile.

“Ye-Yes! Yes. Let me… let get my phone. I can never remember my number…” she shuffled through her hoodie and pulled out a very beat up looking phone. She stepped close again, and Tim held his breath as she did so. She smelled nice. Like lavender. He watched as she unlocked the cracked screen. Her homepage was a photo of her and her mom. He heard her breathing shake, then very quickly she unlocked her phone, and brought up her details. “Okay, so it’s nine, zero – do you wanna get your cell, sorry? Or do you only have your wrist computer?”

“I can remember it if you show me it.”

“You can?” she asked, nakedly impressed.

Tim smirked, “Of course. You don’t get in this line of work without a good memory.”

It was supposed to be just Tim bragging about his cleverness. He did it all the time, but suddenly he felt a stab of regret. Stephanie just blinked, not retorting to the statement, and he realized, that once again, he had made another unintentional dig at her. Stephanie chewed her lip and tapped a few more times at her phone. She showed Tim the page with her number, birthday, email address and even her blood type on it (16th August…AB positive… Tim tucked that away elsewhere, just in case). Tim glanced at the page and repeated the numbers in his head.

“Okay,” he said.

Steph locked her phone once more and put it back in her pocket.

Silence ensued for a moment, then nervously, Steph asked, “So you’ll… you’ll message me?”

Tim wasn’t so emotionally inept to not hear the begging for affirmation in her voice.

 _Take her with you_.

“Yes. Promise. Might do you some good, to have someone other than your roommates to speak to.”

Stephanie pressed her hand to her mouth, hiding her laugh. “That’s mean.”

“Ah. Harper can handle it. Actually, speaking of her and Cullen..,” Tim got back on the ledge and fumbled to reach his hook-shot. “Don’t give my contact details to them. It’s just for you.”

Stephanie looked a little in awe. “Promise.”

“I’ll speak to you later, Stephanie.”

“Steph,” she corrected, smiling brightly again. It was chilly out, and her bare legs and feet were starting to make her shiver. She began to move back to the door downstairs. “Steph, Stephanie… that’s fine.”

He nodded, then aimed the hook shot.

“Wait! One more thing,” Tim turned, to see Stephanie running right back up to him. He shook his head inquisitively. He really had to be goin—

She kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you, Red Robin. Again,” she said. With Tim staring after her, she backed away, then giggling like a schoolgirl, retreated inside, into the warmth of the building.

Tim remained for a moment, frozen in place despite his burning cheeks.

He hadn’t just acquired a girlfriend by accident, had he?

* * *

**2.**

_"We can't go into specifics, but you're pretty much going to be Gotham's sole protector for a while."_

_"Forgetting a guy who goes by the name of Batman, aren't you?"_

_"He's...unavailable too."_

Tim had messaged Stephanie, like he promised, and soon enough they were conversing frequently enough. It seemed his initial fear of unwittingly acquiring a significant other had been for naught, as Stephanie hadn’t made any moves that could have been regarded as (explicitly) romantic, though she had proved herself disturbingly good at picking holes in their conversations.

They’d spoken about her schoolwork – or rather, lack of it. Funny thing about suddenly having no parents, living or dead, was the amount of paperwork that came with it. It seemed she was doing many classes from home.

But inevitably, when speaking about her studies, she had turned it on him.

_You don’t study either?_

_No. Skipped grades and graduated early._

_‘Cause you’re so smart?_

_Obviously._

She always found a way to make the conversation about him. Batman had been quite strict that Bluebird was not to know secret ids. At least not yet. And Tim assumed the same rules applied to Stephanie.

That hadn’t stopped her learning nearly everything of importance about him. And over text no less.

He had been radio silent the past few days though. He had legitimate reasons, of course he did, but he still felt honor bound to explain what had happened.

A trip to Apocalypse and a returned from the dead Robin seemed a justified excuse, but somehow it seemed glib to explain over text.

Thus, there he was, knocking on Harper’s window. Harper didn’t answer though, and he tapped incessantly and more loudly.

Eventually the bedroom door opened, tentatively, and he saw Steph spying through the crack. She instantly recognized it was him, and threw the door open all the way. Bursting over, she gripped the window frame, raising it up so he could slide in.

“Hi!” she exclaimed. “Hi, hi! I was a little worried at the no replies. You okay? You’re not hurt? Harper and Cullen are out and I’m house sitting for the day.”

“I’m okay… had a hell of a week though.”

She looked thrilled at the prospect that he had come to her to tell her about it.

“Yeah? You want something to eat or drink? And we can get out of Harper’s room.”

“No, uh…” as Tim replied Stephanie paused and turned in the doorway. “You still got your Spoiler suit? You want to go for a fly around town?”

Impossibly, her eyes grew brighter, and she practically squealed. “Yes! Meet you on the roof?”

He exited the window, and Stephanie closed and locked it once more behind him. Standing on the roof, wind howling, he realized again he may have been giving off the wrong impression.

This wasn’t a date.

Honest.

“Okay,” Spoiler chirped, and Red Robin tried not to jump. “Tell me about your week.”

Her mouth was hidden but her eyes were smiling, creased up into crescents. She had thick dark lashes.

“Long story short, Batman, Red Hood, Batgirl and I went to Apocalypse and now Robin is back. From the dead.”

“Oh!” she looked very glad and very confused. “That’s good?”

“Yes. Very.”

Impossibly, she seemed even happier, and she clapped. “Tell me all about it then! He’s okay? Robin?”

The wind threw her hood up over her blonde hair and she squeaked, turning to face the wind so she could see again. An idea sparked in Tim.

“You got a grappling hook?”

She patted around her hips playfully. “…No.”

Red Robin snorted, “I have a spare. You can have it. I’ll teach you.”

He was a good teacher. Patient, though she did pick up the gist of it fairly quickly. Tim didn’t miss her laughter as they shot around the city.

Again, the urge to show off struck him, and he took them to the center of Old Gotham, aiming for a small shop he knew that sold good ice cream. Along the way he did more flips than was necessary, He told her to wait, then he jumped off the edge, and hung upside down. Steph looked over the ledge, watching him converse with the vendor. She couldn’t help it, she blushed at the view.

Oh, she had it bad for this boy.

And she was 90% sure he had it bad for her too, although he was more reluctant to admit it to himself.

Emotionally stunted sure, but she could already see how aware he was of it. When he put his foot in his mouth, when he fidgeted after an overly long pause, how his eyes lit up when the topic broached was something he was interested in. Well, what little she could see of his eyes behind those lenses. His eyes were blue, she could tell that much.

His eyes tended to light up when she spoke about herself. She knew she wasn’t making it up, because it made her stumble and fumble over her words. An intense focus and interest that she simply was not used to being on the end of.

And now they were on a date. Though she could practically hear him telling himself otherwise internally. She’d picked up enough about him from the written conversations to start to piece him together now. He was self-aware in the ways he lacked, and self-aware in the ways he exceeded. Where he faltered was his emotions.

No that, he seemed utterly disassociated from them, to the point where his own joy and anger seemed to frighten him. It was weird. She wondered if it was something that he developed pre or post Batman.

All this over text messages.

All this from a kiss on the cheek.

Yes, she had it bad for Red Robin.

The crush somehow became even worse when he shot his line back up to her, one hand holding two ice cream cones.

“Didn’t know what flavor you wanted,” one looked like mint-choc chip, the other – “So I guessed.”

“Cookie dough?” she gratefully took it. “You guessed well Mr. Detective. Thank you!”

He preened at her praise. Turning, he looked at old Wayne Tower. It was a little bit abandoned ever since the Court of Owls had re-emerged. Wayne Enterprises had moved to its new building in the financial district, so all was left was the hollowed-out shell of a beautiful structure.

“Want the best view of the city?”

She looked up. The mask hid her mouth, but Tim could still tell it was dropped open.

“Ooft.”

“You won’t fall. You’re too good.”

Stephanie looked back at him, surprised at how assertively he held that opinion.

“If I drop my ice cream…”

“I’ll buy you another.”

She laughed and approached Red Robin. He tugged out a few hooks, connecting them at the waist. Stephanie tried not to blush at the way their hips slot together.

Red Robin passed his ice cream to her to hold tight, aimed upwards, and the pair shot upwards, faster and further than she expected. When they got perched on top of one of the grotesques, Spoiler was reluctant for him to unclasp her.

“God this is high!” she shuddered.

“Too high?” he asked, conscious that she might be too frightened to talk to him.

“No… Just… Let me… sit. I’ll be fine with my butt down.”

Red Robin held her hand as she lowered herself down. Once she was planted down he sat next to her, and the pair enjoyed their ice cream and the view.

“It’s looks so much more manageable from up here. The city,” Spoiler mused. Then she huffed and took a big lick of her ice cream. “Tell me about Robin then.”

Red Robin pursed his lips, “A while ago, before Nightwing also passed,” Tim didn’t miss the sharp look of empathy for his dead family members. “Robin was murdered. And we all… we all struggled. He was just a child…”

Stephanie took his hand and squeezed it. Tim found himself squeezing back.

“He was a pain in the ass believe me. A _murderous_ pain in the ass. But Nightwing kept saying, ‘He’s a child soldier, he’s traumatized, please be patient’ and… well he was still a pain in the ass, but anyone with eyes could see how much he was trying.”

“Child soldier?”

Oh, right. She didn’t know about the Al Ghul’s and the League of Assassins and all that fun stuff.

“He came to us from a terrorist organization.”

“Oh,” she furrowed her brow, thinking. “That was really brave of him, to try an unlearn a life’s worth of trauma.”

Tim’s chest heaved as she said her piece. “It was. I guess. And then it felt all for nothing. A life wasted. All that time and energy and potential… gone.”

“I don’t think it was wasted.”

Tim looked at her quiet rejection, and she turned white at her outspokenness.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to… I just. He made relationships and had an impact on you all and the city. I don’t think that’s wasted.” Releasing his hand, she went up and cradled his face. To his surprise, he did not move away. She was still as warm as she had felt on their first meeting. “And he’s back now. In one piece?”

“After a lot of fighting and screaming and confusion… yes. Death in this family…”

Her eyes lit up. “Family? Are you all siblings?”

“Ye…nnn…” Red Robin trailed off, glaring into his half-eaten cone. “I can’t tell you.”

Her hand moved back, into his hair, “Ohhhhhh, you can’t tell me about that stuff huh?”

Something about the situation seemed so familiar, Red Robin found himself flinching away. He stood up so he could look down on Spoiler. Spoiler, who had her hood and mask down, holding an increasingly soggy wafer cone. She stared back, confused. Red Robin gulped, hands twitching.

“I think I gave off the wrong impression,” he confessed. She raised her eyebrows but said nothing. It made him nervous, in a way he didn’t understand. “What am I to you?” he pushed.

Stephanie tilted her head. “A friend? Or are we not there yet? A coworker? Or is that not the right phrase.”

“You want to keep going? I thought Spoiler was to stop your father.”

“It was.”

“But…”

Stephanie shoved the rest of her cone into her mouth. She was frustrated. Red Robin had nothing to say truly, so waited for her to explain herself.

“But I … I don’t know. I am trying to get high school done and out of the way fast. But after that… I don’t know. I don’t think I have direction right now,” she looked at him, eyes narrowed. “Any advice? From one of Gotham’s Robins?”

Again, the ridiculous urge to ask her if she wanted to return with him to the Titans emerged. This is what the Titans were for. _For God’s sake, ask her!_

“You won’t know what you want until you’ve done it, I find.”

“Oh?”

“Better to have regrets than none, right?”

Not necessarily true, Tim chided himself. In the everyday person’s life, that may have worked; like when the circumstances were _should I go for this job in another city_ or _should I apply for this scholarship_.

Those things weren’t typically choices that the bad end would lead to you being dead in a ditch.

“You… became Spoiler to stop your father. Why did you do that?”

She looked at Tim as if he were stupid. “Because he kept trying to kill me? Pardon me for wanting to live.”

 _That’s not a given,_ he wanted to bite back, but he held his breath.

“That’s all?”

She blinked, not understanding. “Isn’t that enough?”

“To start with sure. I’m not one to talk, I only got in this suit because I messed up trying to show off to Batman. But I found another reason to keep going with it.” 

“So, I should find another reason?” Stephanie huffed and looked out to the horizon. “Guess my life’s purpose is kinda moot now that daddy’s throat got slit. No offense, but I know all that.”

Something jerked in Tim’s gut, and unable to help himself, he grabbed her face and turned her back to look at him.

Despite how massively inappropriate it was, Stephanie didn’t seem to mind. She stared at him, eyes big and blue, and Tim quashed the urge to squish her cheeks and make her lips pucker.

“I just mean, it’s okay to take your time. Try different things out. But if you’re going to stay in the costume… it has to be for the right reasons.”

“What’s the right reason?” she leered at him, still resting between his hands.

“Not for me to tell,” Tim found himself whispering. “You have to find it on your own. And when you know you know.”

Stephanie snorted softly, then shut her eyes, seemingly content to be held by him. Tim inspected her as she quietly breathed in and out. She was _very_ pretty. His thumbs drifted and were stroking back and forth against her cheeks.

Slowly, sleepily, she opened her eyes and smiled. “I’m happy to hear that Robin is safe and sound.”

One hand drifted down to her neck and his thumb found her pulse point as she leaned heavily into the palm that was still holding her.

“I’ll introduce you,” Tim murmured absently. “His majesty willing that is.”

“Sounds good.”

That implied he would be back in Gotham once more. No idea of when, but he had kept his promises so far, so the possibility gave her hope.

His pocket began to vibrate. Stephanie blinked, noticing the noise. She watched as Red Robin got a distinct look of frustration. His hands snapped back, and Stephanie unhelpfully gasped at the hold being snatched from her. The fact that she was perched so far off the ground came rushing back, and she felt dizzy. Red Robin looked at a device, and Stephanie did not miss the odd way his lip curled up contemptuously.

A blip though. Only a blip. That frigid blank expression slid back into place, and Stephanie knew she had lost him for the night. Maybe.

“Have to go,” he said, all business now. “Titans stuff.”

She watched as he tapped away at his wrist, then stood up ready to leave her on top of the highest building in Old Gotham. She raised her eyebrows, then coughed loudly.

Luckily, he quickly sussed that she would have been fuming had he left her stranded. So, as he had done on the way up, he clasped her to him. Digging in the hook shot to one of the far-reaching grotesques, he was able to have them practically abseil in a straight line down the building. She caught a glimpse of one of the windows – seemingly shattered as if someone had thrown themselves out – and clung tighter to Red Robin’s shoulders.

Part of the way down, he fired another shot, and they were yanked sideways, then up again, settling on a flat roof of a red brick apartment block. Stephanie breathlessly laughed at how effortless Red Robin made it seem.

Stephanie thanked him, then waited for him to leave.

He didn’t though and continued to stare at her.

Feeling supremely uncomfortable, Stephanie smiled and nodded, waiting for Red Robin to do something.

She could see he was arguing with himself, though over what she could not tell. She stepped closer, maybe he didn’t want this moment to be over, even with his team calling. She didn’t want to hold him back. If he was needed, he was needed. But she got the feeling he didn’t get to speak to many people on an even playing field. He was the team leader, right? Maybe he felt he couldn’t show weakness to them? Maybe vulnerability didn’t come naturally to him. It seemed that emotions in general disquieted him, but not through his own choice. It was upsetting to watch, and she suddenly got it into her head that maybe she could –

Red Robin abruptly leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

If it were anyone else, she would have reacted violently. Torn herself away and kicked the (strange) man in the nuts. With Red Robin though, she gasped, then reached up to clench her hand in his dark hair and pulled him in closer.

This was perfect, this was warmth, this was gentle (his hands… they cradled her like she was something precious). The insecurity fled her, and she sighed happily.

Reality came crashing down on them both at the same moment, and they both jolted back. Red Robin looked completely mystified, though at her or himself, Stephanie couldn’t tell.

“That was a mistake,” he gasped.

 _Ouch_. Stephanie winced, and Red Robin grew – impossibly – paler.

“No... No. I mean. I went about that wrong,” he gulped. “I’m giving you the wrong idea.”

What little he managed to pull himself out of the hole he promptly doubled down and began to dig a deeper hole. Stephanie wasn’t stupid, she could see he was choking on his words and incorrect tone, but her feelings still felt pricked. It was as if he had a sharp needle, and each broken sentence was another piercing sting in her skin. She understood that he was struggling, but she wanted it to stop.

“Fine,” she muttered. “Fine. Go back to the Titans, yeah?”

“No, it’s not what I meant, Stephanie.”

“Spoiler,” she corrected, then screwed up her mouth and wrung her hands. Red Robin’s were, comparatively, opening and closing in rapid clasps, as if he wanted something to hold. It seemed reflexive, and he seemed unaware that he was doing it.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” she lied. To her disappointment, he believed her. “I’m sorry.”

“No. No. I just thought..,” he huffed. “I should have asked.”

“Oh.”

“Stephanie... Steph.” The buzzing grew more insistent, and Red Robin grew increasingly frustrated. Stephanie noticed he couldn’t handle his personal and professional lives mashing together – if she counted as part of his personal life that is. Watching him, she understood the signs of (quiet) panic, and decided to give him an out.

“Go back to the Titans, Red Robin. If you can more good there than here, go back.”

“But – but – but.”

Stephanie chewed her lips. Time to be cruel.

“You can’t kiss me again until you tell me your name.”

“But I can’t tell..,” he trailed off. The entire conversation was stilted, weird, incoherent. Neither were saying exactly what they wanted, and were just trading tentative step forwards, hinting at what the other wanted, without spitting the words out.

It seemed Red Robin was the first to crack, his inquisitive nature winning out over any shyness.

“I really like you,” Red Robin muttered. “And it scares me a little. I don’t know why.”

“Why you like me or why you’re frightened?”

“Both,” he whimpered.

Stephanie gave a coo, showing her sympathy. “I really like you too. Maybe… maybe…”

Trailing off, she sighed uselessly, words not coming out. This was too much for a second meeting. Maybe she had made it all up in her head.

Neither knew really what they themselves wanted however, Stephanie just knew she felt safe with Red Robin, and wanted that feeling to be a constant presence, whilst Tim was increasingly enamored by her perceptive nature. She was as sharp as a whistle but had no outlet for it.

He hoped she would figure out what she wanted. That she wouldn’t let her brain and kindness be wasted.

The buzzing got distressingly loud, until finally with a grunt he answered it. Stephanie watched as he spoke to whomever (sounded like a girl to her, but the distortion carried between the space between her and Red Robin). Whatever issue had been plaguing him vanished when he was doing business. Stephanie didn’t know if it was a good thing or not that she seemed to distress him.

She watched sadly as he ended the call. Emotion flickered back on his face, and his lips turned downward.

“I really have to go now.”

“That’s okay,” and she pressed at his creased brow, relaxing the muscles. “Big brave superhero... Keep messaging me, okay?”

That seemed to be enough to mollify him and he nodded. “Okay. Bye, Spoiler.”

“Bye, Red Robin.”

And then he was gone, leaving her alone on the roof. Distracted, she pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips. Everything still felt tingly. Quietly, she laughed to herself.

Not the worst date she had endured for sure.

* * *

**3.**

_"He just thinks he knows everything. And he usually does. That's what makes it so annoying. But when some kid he never met point out the gaping holes in his superhero philosophy, well, that sets him off. You ask me, that's why he's all hot and bothered to hook up with STAR labs. He figures that'll prove, once and for all, that he knows what he's doing."_

“Is Batman okay? I saw there was a big collapse of land... was he near there?” Spoiler asked when she finally caught up with Red Robin. He looked paler than usual, like he was waiting on the worst of news. Things had calmed down, for the moment. Her heartbeat was still frantic, and she could see the sweat dripping off Red Robin’s chin. This had been bad. A lot of people had suffered. She had never met the Joker, and seeing all those people infected with that serum or gas... it was enough for one lifetime.

Red Robin looked at her, mystified that _that_ was her first question. Unable to answer, Tim redirected her attentions.

“The kids are okay?”

The children Stephanie had smuggled through the city to their loved ones and safety. Apparently Batwoman of all people had suggested her for the job. The family had trusted her to protect them, to that she did. She tried not to be bolstered by the implications, but still. The batfamily had thought of her and had called on her for help. Maybe not for the big stuff, but _someone_ had to look after folk on the ground. She could do that.

“All good. We had a little trouble but... we handled it. I think,” she shook her head. “They’re safe as can be. But how is –”

“Do you get it now?”

“Huh?”

“Why you wear the costume.”

She blinked, thrown off. “They... people needed help. I wanted to help.”

He nodded encouragingly, “We have the means to help. Even if it’s a person at a time, that counts.”

She breathed out, “ _Oh_. I get it. You think that’s why I put on the costume with my dad. Not just to spite him.”

His raised eyebrows confirmed it. She bunched up her nose cutely. “You’re making me more selfless than reality.”

“I don’t think I am.”

Snorting, she tapped his arm in a sort of thanks and he stepped closer.

“You’re not hurt?”

“Me? No, I’m peachy as can be,” she looked at him, then at various members of the family behind him. Red Hood and Batgirl seemed to be debating something fiercely, whilst Robin looked a little lost, but was putting on a brave face. “What about you?” she asked.

He shrugged, “We’ve had worse from the Joker personally. This was just... so widespread to what his usual tantrums are.”

Stephanie laughed darkly at the description of the entire disaster as a tantrum. Her smile quickly fell as he continued,

“We all got gassed and knocked out. Still feel a little groggy. My new tooth hurts.”

“New tooth?”

He paused, realizing – once again – he had gabbed without meaning to. Why he felt he could trust her he didn’t know, he just felt it. Which was a foreign feeling. Tim didn’t tend to go by his gut. But with her...

“Titans stuff. Lost a tooth. Got a new one. Can you tell?”

He smiled lopsidedly and another laugh bubbled out of her.

“No, your teeth are perfect. _Too_ perfect,” she patted his cheek in blatant affection. “Where’s Batman?”

He looked for a moment apprehensive of why she was asking, then the tenseness dissipated. Spoiler was asking out of genuine concern. She had no ulterior motive. Tim found himself still getting to grips with such a person.

He chewed on his tongue as he thought of an answer, which only served to make Stephanie more concerned.

“Is it bad?” she whispered.

Robin heard her insistent questions and bit from across the space, “None of your business.”

Red Robin hissed back, “Shut it. She’s just worried.”

“Her fears are not welcome.”

Stephanie sighed and pulled off her mask and hood, letting her golden hair fall out across her shoulders. Robin seemed to grow increasingly foul tempered at the sight of her, whilst the tension in Red Robin’s shoulders dissipated a little at her anxious face.

“Can I help?” she asked Red Robin. “I'd like to be...useful.”

“Doubtful.”

“Robin. Go away,” Tim said. There was an unspoken threat there. Stephanie squeezed his arm, a twelve-year-old being mean didn’t wound her too much, and besides, Red Robin had told her he could be difficult. He was probably just worried about Batman, she told herself.

Red Robin looked back at the rest of the family, all looking lost, and wished – not for the first or even tenth time – that Nightwing was here.

“I don’t know the answer to that.”

She nodded, hand that was touching his wrist moving slightly so she could hold his forearm.

“I’m sure he’s fine.”

It was superficial, but Red Robin smiled a thanks regardless.

“You believe me if I say I hate not knowing?”

Stephanie nodded, “I do. But I guess saying be patient is of no use, huh?”

“No. But thanks for trying.”

Anxiously, she chewed her lip. Batgirl and Red Hood had finally ended their argument, and the redhead had burst off in disgust. Stephanie got the feeling that if she could see Red Hood’s face under that helmet, he would be rolling his eyes. He also left. Robin, realizing his time was maybe better spent elsewhere, also left. Red Robin and Spoiler remained, listening to the distant sound of ambulance sirens speed around the city.

“Now what?”

It seemed the question burst the floodgates, with no other member of the family to overhear and judge him.

“The minute I know Batman is okay, I’m leaving again. I’m going to go home to the Titans. I’ve got too much going on with my own team, problems that only I can fix, and I can’t stand being here. In this city…”

Stephanie’s breathing stuttered, though she had no reason to take it personally.

“I want to leave too sometimes,” she said instead. “So, I get that. It’s real hard. But for the minute, I want to stay here and help clean up. A lot of these people don’t have anyone looking out for them. Not on the ground.”

“Do you want..,” he cut himself off with a strangled look of self-chiding. He gulped, then started again. “Keep working on that angle Spoiler. Protecting people. It makes a difference. Even if it’s not obviously immediate. One person at a time. It counts.”

“Don’t give up.”

“Exactly.”

Distantly, she realized they’d moved to holding hands.

“No, I mean you as well. When things get awful like this.” He gave her a look, which, despite his mask, was very sad, and very tired. It was his turn to lean in and plant a kiss to her cheek. She welcomed it, but still, she wished he would tell her more about what he was going through. “Please let me know if I can help,” she murmured as he pulled back.

He simply nodded, let go of her hand, then left her alone on the street.

Again, she watched him leave as the bats and birds retreated. Standing alone, she realized she never received an answer to her questions about Batman. Red Robin may not have known how he was doing, but where did that leave the rest of Gotham? Would anyone even think to tell her if the worst possible news came through?

* * *

**4.**

_"This Batman is worse than my father ever dreamed of, and I have no-one at all. You said Gotham needs me. I plan to save it."_

_"I want you to reconsider doing something like this in anger and grief"._

_"Batman and the Robins deserve better"_

Tim fell down on the ledge outside Harper’s window with a resounding smack. His banging on the window, frantic and frustrated, brought Harper sprinting over.

“Red Robin? What’s going –”

“Where’s Stephanie? I need to speak to her.”

Harper seemed surprised he even cared and raised her sharp shoulders up and down once. “God knows. Haven’t seen much of her in over a week.”

“What?”

Something in his tone of voice seemed to throw Harper, and she blinked owlishly. “Well, she just kind of took off and…”

“So, you haven’t tried to contact her?” he accused. Harper had the grace to look chided.

Not that Tim had a leg to stand on. _He_ hadn’t contacted Stephanie either. Call him a hypocrite, but he had been caught up in something he didn’t know how to process and have avoided talking to her. It wasn’t deliberate, but that was no excuse. Her messages had begun to peter out, a nervous tone to them which had given way to quiet resignation. And he had no real excuse, but now he wanted to talk to her.

Feeling nearly feverish with how wound up he felt, he just grunted then left.

“Hey, wait! Is she in trouble?” Harper called for him, but he was already gone.

He had no clue of where to start looking for her, so he did the obvious thing.

He rang Steph’s number.

It rang twice, and before the third she clicked on, sounding breathless and relieved.

“Red Robin?”

“Where are you?” he was being unnecessarily sharp with her, but after the day's events – he just wanted somebody to rant at. Steph was both in and out of the family. She’d understand...without understanding _too_ much.

“Uh…” There was a pause as he listened to what sounded like the shuffling of newspapers. “How about I meet you? You pick.”

Huffing, he rattled off an address, and she quietly confirmed she’d meet him there as soon as she could.

When she arrived, he immediately noted that she was not well. Like when he had first met her, she was looking pale and withdrawn, almost shaky on her feet. She looked happy to see him though, and his own anger at his circumstances immediately dissipated.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concern leaking in far too strongly to be taken as a casual greeting.

Stephanie tugged her mask off and pulled her hood back. Tim noted how grateful she appeared to be even asked.

“I’m getting by,” she smiled fakely, and Tim shook his head. Taking a step forward, she took a step back. He couldn’t stop his mouth from dropping open. She’d never backed away from him before, and he hated it with a passion he didn’t quite understand. She must have seen how distraught he appeared, because she apologized.

“Sorry. I’m just... I’m working a case and I haven’t been able to get much sleep or clean up. I probably reek,” she laughed, but it sounded fake to Tim’s ears.

“I’ve seen a lot worse,” he insisted, again moving towards her. She was not convinced, and again moved away. She tugged her cape nervously to wrap around her and changed the subject.

“Something up? You’d stopped responding to my messages. I got a little worried. You need something?”

“I...” Suddenly the reason for his searching for her sprung to the front of his mind, and his anger came back, hot and sharp. “Nightwing isn’t dead. He never was.”

“Oh?” she seemed confused by his tone. He had been so happy for Robin’s return, why was Nightwing’s different? “This is good, right? But how? We all saw what that evil Justice League did. Where has he been? Is he coming back home?”

“He _lied_. He and Batman... they lied to us.” He was so pent up, he began to pace back and forth, Stephanie watching him warily. “And I can’t believe he lied. Him, of all people. I said to him, I said that we all die. We're all going to die. We have to. It's part of it.”

Her horrified expression registered somewhere in the back of his mind at his mind. “Don’t say that…”

He ignored her, still red with anger.

“But he _didn’t_ die. He just lied and I... I don’t know why I get it into my head that he’s different to Batman. He’s just the same. Same martyrdom. Same manipulation.”

Stephanie looked increasingly distraught, frustrated that Red Robin was barrelling down his anger, and she struggled to get him to take a breath. Once again, she tried to get her and Red Robin in Nightwing’s shoes, hoping it would let Red Robin calm down. Maybe then she could return to the premature acceptance of his death another day and sort through _that_ bag of worms.

“Why did he lie?” she asked. He stuttered over himself when replying, he was so worked up.

“Because Br-Batman told him to.”

“Yeah, no, I guessed that,” she tugged her cape closer. “But why?”

“I don’t know. Won’t know now that Batman is out of action.”

Stephanie looked on sympathetically. “Is Nightwing coming back to Gotham, then? Batwoman and Batgirl do what they can but... it’d be nice if one of you guys were around too. This new Batman...He’s difficult. If Nightwing came back...”

“I don’t know. He’s been off playing super spy. His job’s not done. Gave us a riddle to crack. Cluemaster’s Code if you can believe that.”

Finally, Stephanie laughed, “Glad to see my dad has a legacy then.”

Red Robin felt his temper cool at her smile. “Nightwing is in constant contact now. He’d been left stranded I think, after Batman...ung, left. He came crawling back and I –”

“Does Nightwing usually do that? Listen to Batman and leave you guys hanging? You talked about him like he was your main pillar of defense.”

“Exactly, he never! This is why it hurts so much. It’s just such a betrayal...”

“Then he probably felt he didn’t have a choice, right? He must have felt lying was the only way.”

Red Robin twitched, “But that doesn’t make any sense. He knows he can turn to us for help. He did it the moment Batman wasn’t around to answer his calls.”

“Therefore...”

Red Robin understood the angle she was playing – forever the empathetic person, forever trying to understand the motivations and feelings of those around her. She’d figured out the linear way he thought things through and had figured out how to make him follow certain lines. He groaned, frustrated, and collapsed onto the sidewalk, his winged cape splaying out around him.

“Therefore, something’s amiss. He’s never done it before. He must have really been pushed, or the situation is really that serious. It’s dangerous though. He has help. What did Batman tell him that would make him feel stranded?”

“Did you ask?”

“No. Red Hood punched him and yelled. I was too angry.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wish I had too. He’s our big brother, Steph. In most ways that count. I’m glad he’s not dead. So glad. But knowing that he was deliberately hiding it from us? That he let Bruce isolate him like that? He has _us.”_

There was a heavy pause. Finally, Stephanie moved closer. She knelt next to Tim and rested a hand on his arm. He sighed and felt his muscles relax.

“So, I think, your anger isn’t at Nightwing. Not really.”

“No,” he nodded, holding his forearms that were wrapped around his legs. “Just at Batman, who isn’t around for me to blame anymore. Nightwing is too much of a martyr to give us the full truth if it disparages Batman. Crazy loyalty.”

“So big brother takes the fall instead.”

“He doesn’t have to.”

“I’m sure he knows that,” she muttered.

“Knowing and _knowing_ aren’t the same thing you know?” he glanced sideways at her, at her sad expression. Her skin looked gray with tiredness. “Steph..,” he broached. “When was the last time you slept in a bed?”

“I’m okay.”

“No,” Taking a good look at her, she didn’t look like someone who was working a case. She looked like she was once again on the run. “Tell me.”

She sighed, and unable to help herself, laid her head down on his shoulder. Her hair was greasy, and she was right, she smelled of sweat and grime.

“You know Eiko Hasigawa?”

“The woman running round as Catwoman?” Weird, but he waited for her explanation.

“Yeah... I was training with her for a bit.”

“Dangerous company, Steph,” he tried not to have his tone be chiding. This was the first time she had really spoken to him of her own troubles. He wanted to listen.

“I know that. But my preferred options are not in Gotham currently,” she gripped one of his hands, and their gloved fingers intertwined. He didn’t pick up on what she was quietly asking for.

“I’ll get Nightwing to send you videos. He’s a good teacher, even virtually.”

She snorted, then sobered up. “I tried to stop her from killing a lot of people. I failed. And I think I’m on the list now. I just wanted to help. I think I got caught up in the middle. I just didn’t want people to die. Even if they are sacks of crap.”

Tim had heard about the recent mob violence, but as a general rule, it was not something Robins were to get involved with. At least in Gotham. That was Batman’s mandate, and one they all stuck too, even ‘posthumously’. Tim didn’t want Stephanie to see that kind of senseless violence. She didn’t need that kind of trauma.

He’d gotten it into his head after the events with Joker. Steph was a protective figure, not an aggressor. Hearing that she had tried to stop a mass murder, only to now be punished for it, only cemented the idea in his mind. He wanted to protect her from that. She was the kind of person to lead people out of a burning building, more than the kind of person to get in a fist fight with Two Face. She always did something off kilter and unexpected – avoiding a fist fight where she could. If an entire mob family were hunting her down… her options were limited.

“Did you see the killings?” he asked.

She shook her head, and Tim relaxed a little. “No. I’d run away from the party by then. But I... I don’t know where to go. I can’t go back to Harper and Cullen. They’ll be at risk if I do.” Her breathing got wobbly. “And Batman’s not here and Selina said to back off to keep my own hands clean, but I tried to do the right thing and... I don’t have anyone.”

If Tim wanted to say that she had him, he knew it would be a lie. She had been messaging him, and he had left her hanging. Too caught up in his own issues. Three meetings a reliable partner did not make.

How to make it right...

“I think I know how to help.”

“Mm?”

_Take her with you._

He shifted his shoulder so Stephanie would sit up. “I can’t stay long again. My team... You think _you’ve_ messed up... Think things are going to get a bit ugly with my guys. But listen, see if you can find Batgirl.”

Stephanie did not look convinced. If anything, she looked a little disappointed at his suggestion and excuses to leave her alone.

“I don’t think she’ll want anything to do with me.”

Red Robin shook his head. “She never turns away from someone in danger. Just like you. She has access to safe houses that I don’t, and connections in Gotham that I don’t. She’ll be of more use than I am.”

Her lip curled, but Stephanie nodded.

It wasn’t a promise, but Stephanie wasn’t stupid. Her circumstances would mean Babs would catch wind of it soon enough. Stephanie wouldn’t reject a bit of help; she wasn’t that prideful.

Red Robin instinctively pressed a kiss to her forehead. She looked at him, seemingly outraged.

“I told you not to until I know your name.”

“Didn’t say anything last time... Thought that rule was only for on the mouth.”

She burned red and puffed out her cheeks. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Big word.”

“And a bully!” she groaned, then stood up. Red Robin joined her. “Besides, who are you protecting not telling me your name? Now that Bruce isn’t Batman anymore.”

What little color on his features Red Robin had quickly fled. His mouth dropped open, and then she smirked as he struggled to compose himself. She prodded his symbol on his chest with a definitive index finger poke.

“Don’t try and hide that flub. You said _Bruce_ earlier. Accidentally. Ain’t many Bruce’s in this city who have the means to be Batman. Also, it’s a right coincidence that Bruce Wayne has undergone a bit of amnesia apparently. The same Bruce Wayne who has a gaggle of adopted boys with very ‘private’ private lives? One of whom very publicly got de-masked and murdered on television? Only not really, apparently.”

“...You’re really sharp sometimes.”

“ _Sometimes_?”

He scuffed his shoes and Stephanie hugged him tightly, “I’ll wait. No more digging until you’re ready.”

“Deal. Now, go find Batgirl.”

“Be kind to Nightwing. Please. From the sounds of it, he’s had a hard time of it too. Might be good to know that you are still there for him. Even if Batman isn’t.”

“I will. He is my brother after all.”

Another squeeze from the hug and they broke apart, only for Red Robin to push her hair off her face. After a moment of inspection, he chewed his lip.

“What?” Stephanie asked. “Have I got something in my teeth?”

“Do you want… When everything has died down a little, can I take you out?”

Her eyes fluttered. Her makeup had either smudged down into her skin, streaking it a dirty black, or had completely worn away, leaving her looking a little patchy. Her scalp itched for a clean, and her breath must have been less than ideal. She was having serious déjà vu for when she had been sleeping rough and hiding from her dad. She blushed.

“Out? Date?”

It was Red Robin’s turn to turn red. “I like you,” he said simply.

Stephanie smiled hugely. “So, you’ve said. Which, good! I like you too!”

Squeezing up a hand to press in between their fingers, she wiggled a warning index finger. “But.”

“But?” he looked down at her hand, resisting the urge to tug it.

“Not until –”

“I tell you my name… that’s fair.”

“I gotta hold something over you. You could be taking advantage of my overly trusting and kind nature. That’s my bargaining chip.”

“But you’ve practically figured it out already.”

“I want you to tell me. It’s your choice. Your name. That means something.”

He nodded, “Thank you, Spoiler.”

“Welcome,” she jerked her head, then her pointed finger moved until her hand formed a fist, and she playfully punched him back and away from her. “Keep in contact yeah? No more disappearing acts.”

“Be safe,” he stared at her, reluctant to leave. “I can stay. If you want.”

“No. I’m a big girl. I’m okay. Your team needs you, you said? Don’t leave them hanging. Not for me. One person versus a whole group? You know that’s a silly decision.”

Tim didn’t like how she was downplaying herself but felt he couldn’t really argue back. Babs would look after her. He knew she would. Reluctantly, unable to look away from her, he left, leaving her alone once more. He didn’t miss her deliberately shut her eyes, take a deep breath, then start to make a move once more.

He would keep in contact and check in with Babs when he could.

For the first time, Tim was unsure if he was making the right decision in leaving Gotham.

* * *

**5.**

_"Where have you been? We lost Batman. And now we've got this robot that chases us through the streets. Gotham needed you Nightwing."_

“Blondie’s having a fit,” Jason muttered as he tossed equipment into the jet. “I smell abandonment issues.”

“What?” Tim asked. He turned around to see Spoiler standing on one of the platforms. Harper, Dick and Cassandra had left for Europe, and he and Jason were hunting down leads with the Church of St. Dumas. Stephanie, once again, had been deliberately kept out of the loop. Tim felt like he had one foot out regardless, seeing it was something really more personal for Dick then the man would let on. He could only imagine how lost Stephanie felt.

She looked it too – watching him and Jason with naked panic. She shuffled in place, and repeatedly wrung her hands. Alfred would show her out when everyone else had gone, but for the moment, she seemed reluctant to leave the cave.

“Hey, if I were her, I wouldn’t like being left behind either,” Jason stated.

Breathing harshly through his nose, Tim set his jaw.

“Give me five minutes.”

“Whatever,” Jason said, having an argument with the fuel pump. “Take your time.”

Red Robin jogged over to Stephanie, who immediately turned away.

“Spoiler…”

“You haven’t gone yet?” Stephanie began to march around the batcave, trying to look busy when really all she felt was neglected and left behind. Tim followed, a little confused at her lingering anger. “You gotta fix your cameras in our apartment before you head off? Or have you got a live feed all set up for the flight?”

“I told you, I don’t actually watch anything,” he tried to catch her arm, but she was quicker than him, and kept moving. He tried to explain. “It’s in case something goes wrong so I can check it retroactively, like I did tonight and… Steph can you please just stop _moving—”_

“It’s just real rich,” she whirled around, hair flying and smacking him in the face. “You got all huffed up ‘bout your own personal space when Harper was being nosy, so where do you get off doing that, huh? Your entire family really loves to push it. Must be nice, to just come and go as you please, punching people out along the way.”

He tried to calm her down. “I would feel more comfortable knowing you’re here in Gotham.”

“Oh, _bullcrap_. I want to help you. Not babysit a bunch of teenagers from the Robin clique and make sure Robo Bat doesn’t catch on.”

“Stephanie you’re a teenager.”

She gave a look and waved her arms in a manner which indicated that was exactly her point.

“We’re asking you to look after Gotham whilst we’re gone.”

“I’ve been doing that anyway! None of you are even _here_ anymore—”

“Steph,” he quietly interrupted. She puffed out her cheeks and then pressed them in, making a wet raspberry noise. With a large grunt, she bent backwards, giving Tim and delightful view of her torso.

“I’m just saying…you boys can’t pretend to have a handle on Gotham when none of you are ever here except when needed to clean up Batman’s messes,” she leaned back up, and Tim stared at her hair curl and fall around her shoulders.

“I know,” he replied quietly. “And I am impressed, and proud, and what you’ve done.”

She blushed red. “Thank you.”

“So please keep at it until we get back?”

The blush faded and she side-eyed him. “Don’t need you tell me that. I’m not giving up anytime soon. Like I said, punching isn’t the only way to fix a problem,” she swallowed thickly. “You will come back though?”

“Yeah. Sure. Doesn’t pairing up with Red Hood inspire your confidence?”

“Robin.”

“ _Red_ Robin.”

She said nothing for a moment, only staring at him with what Tim supposed were puppy dog eyes. She then whispered, “Promise you’ll come back.”

His mood sobered up. “I’ll come back.”

Tim had a feeling that things with the Titans was about to pop, and whatever this case was, it was probably going to be a nightmare, but it certainly wasn’t an end of the world scenario. He didn’t know what to make of her anxiety. The feeling of being tugged between two different places grew sharper and impossible to ignore. His team needed him, Batman needed him, Stephanie need him… This third branch had come about only in the last two months but was increasingly dominating his own headspace.

Stephanie looked like she was going to cry. “How do you know?”

Behind him, he could see Jason leaning on the plane. He could imagine his face underneath the mask, enjoying the theatrics of it all.

“I don’t… where is this coming from?”

If he was speaking of Stephanie’s panic, or his own yearning, Tim didn’t know. What he did know was that Stephanie’s heart rate increased. So frantic he could practically see it, the pulse in her neck throbbing.

“Nerves,” she offered simply. “I don’t like not knowing,” she said, repeating back something he had said to her last month.

Red Robin looked behind him once more, at Jason being an obvious eavesdropper, and decided his brother’s derision was less important than Stephanie’s discomfort.

“How about… I’ll come back, because I want to take you on a date?”

There was the sound of a crash across the room. Seemed Jason had tripped on something.

“So, you’ve said,” Stephanie muttered, ignoring it.

“Well, is it enough? Have to come back then right? I want it too much.”

She gave him a look which was obviously her trying to believe him but failing to do so. Tim huffed, then leaned in close to her ear. Instantly her hands went up, gripping the straps that crossed his chest, holding him to her.

“I don’t want to be left behind anymore,” she begged.

Red Robin pursed his lips. “I’m going to send you an address, and a date. Meet me there and then?”

“No can you please listen –”

“Wear a nice dress and comfy shoes.”

The look she gave him reminded Tim of a bull preparing to charge. “And what will you be wearing Mr. Hotshot?”

“Not this.”

Her face slowly grew lax, confusion flickering across her brows.

“Can we hurry up now?” Red Hood called. Stephanie’s breathing spiked, and instinctively Red Robin held her elbows. He didn’t truly know why, but she calmed down with him holding her. She nuzzled against his neck.

“You mean it? No costume?”

“Yes,” he looked behind him, where Jason was blatantly listening in. “I have to go. But that’s my promise for when this all over, okay? And I’ll keep in contact. You’re not being left behind.”

“’Kay.”

“Look after Gotham for us?” he asked, backing off.

“I already do!” she jibed, sharp laughter bubbling out of her.

* * *

**6.**

_“Did you think you had a chance? On your best day, you’re half as strong as me.”_

_“Guess what?! It’s not always about strength!”_

Stephanie stared at her phone, the address Red Robin had given her, then back at the door to the red brick apartment. Park Row. He had sent her to _Park Row_. 943 apartment C. She stared at the buzzer, then back at her phone, then back at the buzzer. Nervously, she rubbed her left foot against her right calf.

She was wearing the pink H&M dress, as although Red Robin had asked her to wear something nice, her monetary options had left her with a grand total of two dresses to choose from. And one of those was literally an oversized t-shirt. Mob massacre dress would have to make do. She had a pair of tights and a jean jacket in her backpack. It had reached the time of year in Gotham where the days were warm, but once the sun dipped below the horizon the temperature plummeted. Her shoes, a battered pair of (once) white canvas sneakers, made her pray he wasn’t planning anything fancy. She couldn’t bear the humiliation if so.

To be blunt, the past year had not left much time for dating, so she honestly didn’t have a clue about what she was doing.

Cassandra had been very curious about where she was going, and Harper had teased, but she had kept her mouth shut. If this all fell through, she would maybe die from embarrassment, and Red Robin would have one more reason not to come to Gotham.

No pressure.

Taking a breath, she pressed the bell, and prepared to wait.

Instantly however, the front door was open, and outstepped Red Robin. It was impossible that he would have been able to run down the two flights of stairs in the time it had taken for him to respond to the buzzer, which only suggested to Stephanie that he had actually been standing on the other side of the door, anxiously waiting for her to arrive.

The thought of him being as keen and nervous as she was only a flittering one, as she was very much distracted at the sight of him in casual clothes, and no mask.

A gray sweater and washed out jeans were not what she was expecting, and if anything, it made him look paler than his red and black suit did. She blatantly stared at him from the tips of his tennis shoes up to his unmasked face.

Wow, his eyes _were_ blue. Gray. Pale. Like a fish. No wait, not a good metaphor –

“Hi,” he said, pulling her out of her internal monologue. His cheeks were flushed, and he had his shoulders held straight. Such a dork under that indifferent bravado. “I’m Tim Drake,” he said simply.

_Knew it._

What a dumb bougie white boy name. Tim. Timbo. Timothy. Timmy. Timtim _timtim_ …

Stephanie gulped. “Hi, Tim.”

They stared at each other for a moment, but only a moment, as Tim then dived in for a kiss. Stephanie managed a short giggle before their lips met once more. Unlike last time it was quick but sweet, and Tim backed off with a bright smile. She hadn’t seen him smile like that yet – lacking in sardonicism or superiority. He just looked… he just looked happy.

She took his bare hand and felt goosebumps ripple through her. His fingers were cool. Smile widening, he swung their arms once, then tugged her back down the steps. It seemed wherever they were going – they were walking their way there.

“Where are we heading?”

“Nowhere crazy. Movie then dinner?”

“Oh good. What kind of food?”

“You pick.”

Her crappy worn out shoes ended up closing out the night when her left sole literally fell off as they made their way out the burger joint she had suggested. Tim, sharp as ever, had promptly picked her and her shoe sole up, and carried her back to his. He declared that he could drive her back to Harper’s if she wanted, but it was still a fifteen-minute walk with her wrapped around his back. Feeling a little bit like a limpet, Stephanie was reluctant for him to leave her side. He had very happily invited her up. To her delight, the place was both tiny and a mess. Clothes were scattered everywhere, and it actually looked lived in. Tim’s bashful smile plummeted away, and he became immediately frantic, rushing around.

“No, no, no. I forgot. This is embarrassing. I couldn’t decide what to wear. I went through a lot. I had to call Dick and Babs, and neither were very helpful and...”

Another confirmation that was had been as nervous as her for this date. Every glimpse she saw of this nervous sixteen-year-old under all that bravado made her melt. Stephanie took off what remained of her shoes, leaving them by the door.

“Hey, no. You’ve seen Harper’s place. A nightmare.”

Tim scooped up a ball of clothes and patted the space he had cleared on the sofa. Stephanie perched herself down, crossing her hands on her knees. Tim observed her do so, again finding she reminded him of a bird with her quick and sharp movements. She politely looked around, until her gaze fell back on Tim, who was standing still watching her with a mound of discarded clothes in his arms.

Without his mask, it was painfully clear to Stephanie how he looked at her. It had made her blush at dinner and it made her squirm now. No-one had ever looked at her the way Tim watched her.

He tossed the clothes aside to the floor, still staring at her, and moved to sit next to her. Stephanie saw how uncomfortable he seemed, how tense his muscles were. Throwing him a bone, she reached across and grabbed his fist that was clenched on his knee, then leaned in for a kiss.

Stephanie didn’t miss the exhale Tim gave in relief when she broke away.

“I don’t want to leave yet,” she admitted.

“That’s okay. That’s good. That’s..,” he looked around. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s okay,” she repeated, a laugh in her throat. “I don’t either. But I liked our date. And I would like to keep going with it if you do?”

He appreciated her directness and nodded eagerly. “Yes. I do.” His hand went up to cradle her cheek. It was a little bit forward, especially for a first date, but Stephanie had quickly gathered that Tim neither understood nor desired to understand traditional dating conventions. He would kiss a girl he found attractive on their second face to face meeting and then profusely apologize for it. He would kiss a girl again before their first date had even officially begun, but then do nothing more than hold hands until directly invited to do otherwise.

She found herself musing what his previous experience was like. She gulped. Well, it was her turn to break first date convention...

“Am I your first date ever? Or have you been with other people?”

“I have...been with other people,” he said ‘been’ like it was a dirty word, something to be ashamed of. She shrugged it off. Beyond a vague understanding, the details really were none of her business.

“Cool. Me too. It never lasted very long though.”

“No...” His thumb went under her jaw, making her head tilt up as he shuffled close enough that they were sharing breath. “What are your expectations from me then?”

 _Weird boy,_ Stephanie thought fondly. But she understood why he was asking. She tried to sound blasé in her response.

“Whatever you are comfortable with giving. I don’t think I’m high maintenance, I mean you do you y’know?” she tilted her head until their lips would brush the other as they spoke. “But... it would be nice... to know that I have someone in my corner.”

“I can do that.”

“Yeah?”

“More than that, I think.”

She pecked his nose, and he blinked owlishly. “And what about me then?” she asked.

“I don’t know yet. I just know that you understand in a way others don’t. I guess I’m selfish and want it for myself.”

Even Tim realized the conversation had drifted into heavy territory and so he broke away, pacing through to the kitchen. Stephanie’s eyes had grown wet to his declaration, and he had such a visceral reaction to _her_ reaction that he actually had to physically remove himself from the situation.

“Do you want anything to drink? I have coffee and tea and I think hot chocolate somewhere...”

Stephanie got up and hugged him from behind. Tim cut off, a little shocked, then quickly grew overwhelmed when Stephanie placed exaggerated kiss after exaggerated kiss to his back and neck. It was so unbearably tender that he felt his knees shake. Turning around, he turned her sweet kisses into longer, hotter ones, and Stephanie stayed the night.

*****

Tim awoke, for the first time in his life, to kisses. His muscles tensed for a moment, but quickly grew lax as he remembered he was in his Gotham apartment, and it was only Stephanie.

 _Only_ Stephanie. That gave off the wrong implication. As if Stephanie could ever be associated with words like merely, barely… never more than.

Case in point, Tim realized, as she curled behind him, practically spooning him, that she was carefully, methodically, sweetly, kissing each scar that lined his back. Every stabbing, every gun shot, every torn piece of skin, was slowly receiving warm lips pressed to them.

Tim lay still and let Stephanie do as she pleased.

She made her way her up, arms encircling him, to his hairline, then his exposed ear. Her breath washed over him, tickling his skin.

He sighed, content at being spoiled, and kept his eyes closed. Stephanie finished her work too soon and settled behind him.

“I want you to know…” Tim whispered, voice thick with sleep. “That I don’t normally sleep with a girl on the first date.”

Understatement. Romance (sex) were not something he indulged in. What had happened with Cassie… he tried not to think about. The guilt was something that he had convinced himself that, if he ignored it for long enough, it would fade. Cassie would get tired of waiting for him and move on.

Behind him, Steph shifted.

“So, I’m special huh?” Her question was enticingly quiet, whispered right in his ear.

“I would say so.”

Her fingers spasmed in their resting place over his own hand. He felt her breathing shake. He made an enquiring noise, still too groggy to be fully functioning. It had been so long since he hadn’t woken up to the sound of an alarm, or had more than three hours of precious sleep, he was quite happy to bathe in the mood.

Steph, it seemed, had turned more brooding. She pressed her forehead to his shoulder blade and Tim could practically feel the wrinkles in her skin form as she frowned.

“I don’t normally do this either. Ever. Why do I… why do I feel like this with you?”

Tim got the distinct feeling she was asking herself and not him, but he felt like she had taken the words directly from his brain and had to verbalize his own thoughts.

“Like we’ve known each other four years and not four months?”

“Tim…” Her sigh was so sad that he turned to look at her. He smiled crookedly, trying to lift her spirits.

“Is that too cliché? Because it’s true. You’re too honest. I like not having to hide anything from you.”

She pursed her lips. “Honesty is good cornerstone of any relationship.”

“But there’s no tip-toeing with you,” he explained. “All I do is live and work with people who lie. And I lie right back at them. And then it’s like I don’t actually know anyone for real. Or even myself sometimes.”

“Lies for good reasons, though?”

“You would think, but everything gets messed up all the time. I want… I want something where I don’t have to lie. Where I don’t have to manipulate to get what I want.”

“Well… what do you want?” she shifted, so the two were resting on the same pillow. Her eyes were rimmed black with slept in makeup, blonde hair tangled and knotted, lips swollen and chewed.

One word immediately sprung to mind, but Tim pushed it down. It was too intense, even after a first date like theirs.

“For my team to be the best. To find ways to help people and be better at it.”

She smiled and Tim looked down at her collarbone.

“What about you?” he asked. “You figured out what you want to do yet?”

Still smiling, though it grew a little stiff, she wordlessly shook her head. Tim reached up, and thoughtlessly brushed her hair off her cheek. He did it as if it were second nature to him.

“Then…” Tim mused, “We’ll figure it out together?”

Her pupils dilated. “You’ll stay?”

“You don’t want to come with me?” _Finally_ , he’d asked her. Only two seconds later he realized maybe his timing sucked. Things with the Titans were…akin to a Kansas maize field in July. One more spark and _poof_. Everything he’d worked for would go up in smoke. He didn’t want Stephanie involved in any of that. But then again, not like Gotham was anymore of a stable place. “No. Actually. It’s better that you don’t,” he concluded aloud.

Her nose crinkled.

“So, you’ll leave again?” she balked at herself, then hurried to say, “Don’t take that as condemnation, or that I’m pressuring you, but I thought...”

Tim rolled on top of her, a solid weight pressing down on her chest and hips. He rested his head next to her, nuzzling in. She was so _warm;_ he was blatantly indulging whilst he could.

“Can I keep bribing you with dates whenever I’m home?”

“Long distance? I need to think about it,” she shifted a little under him. “Maybe I’m taking this too seriously…”

“How about bribing you with this apartment?”

Her fingers, which had been stroking his arms and shoulders, froze. “What?” she whispered.

“Or am I taking this too seriously?” he gently teased. Making her breathing stutter, he nibbled along the crook of her neck. “I promise, I’m not just pulling you along. Just… I don’t think you should be around my team at the moment. And I swear it’s not you… it’s us. The Titans. Mostly me, actually.”

“Tell me?” She had noticed his usual speech pattern of short sharp sentences had now utterly given way to scatter-brained run-on speeches. If this was Tim in the morning, or Tim who was comfortable around people he trusted, Stephanie wasn’t sure, but she certainly was intrigued.

Tim pulled back a little from their embrace. “I…may be harboring a former teammate accused of murder. And some of them don’t…know…that I am?”

Stephanie chewed her lip as she processed this fact. She nodded and joked, “That sounds reasonable.”

Her muted confusion suddenly lent itself to Tim cracking, and suddenly the insecure overly emotional sixteen-year-old reared his head and several weeks’ worth of grievances poured out. Stephanie watched, trying to maintain something resembling a non-judgmental expression.

“Just feel a bit lost, for all my certainty. It’s all gonna blow up and I know that so I’m just being selfish and wanting to compartmentalize my life which I know isn’t really feasible nor kind to you and yet here we are cuddling in my bed as if this isn’t just the morning after our first date – which, again, _way to be unfair at putting pressure on Stephanie, Tim_ – and maybe I really, really, really like you even if I don’t really understand why yet and maybe some part of me wants to talk to Bruce about it but he’s not _here_ and maybe I want my father back and I’m still mad at Dick so I can’t go to him and I would literally rather be shot in the chest six times than speak to Jason about my personal life and work life and how I think you are the kindest, warmest, non-judgmental person I have ever met and –”

“Tim?”

“Yes, Steph?”

“It’s okay to not know. It’s not a moral failing to be confused.” Her voice was low and calming, reminding him of a siren. _Take a breath, calm down, be complacent, lower your guard…_

“No, it’s not,” he shook his head. “It’s my job to work things out. I’m the smart one, remember? If I haven’t got it all perfect and planned, then…”

“Hey, hey, hey…” she cooed. She pushed up, and Tim, becoming limp, flopped backwards, his head resting at the foot of the bed. He felt emotion welling in his chest and tried very hard to push it down.

God, this was humiliating. Tim could only imagine what Stephanie thought. Finding out the boy you slept with after one date is a loon. She had put up with his bizarre mannerisms from the moment she had poked her head into Harper’s room. Having him rant in his boxers with her pinned under him wearing one of his giant band shirts that she had accepted yesterday a little shyly was probably horrifying. Congratulations you’re trapped with the triple star rated psycho…

And yet the embarrassment very quickly faded when she clambered on top of him, blatantly straddling his hips. The heat of shame turned to something else. He reached for her hands, and she gripped both, the fingers intertwining. Stephanie squeezed tightly, and Tim gulped.

“Listen to yourself, you’re talking six hundred miles an hour…” she giggled, then pulled both of his hands down, to rest on her bare thighs. Unable to help himself, he stared at where she was sat, at the contact point of their bodies, and stroked her skin.

For a long while there was only the sound of their breathing in the room. Outside there was traffic – it was pushing 11am so Gotham was well and truly awake – and the sounds of people living their lives, but inside there was only Stephanie’s silent breaths, and Tim’s slowing and deepening inhales. Stephanie watched Tim watch his own fingers creep up, playing with the hem of his shirt (or was it hers now). When one hand went under and began to drift towards its destination, she whispered,

“Tim?”

“Mm?” he replied absentmindedly, enjoying Stephanie’s breath hitch. He was going a little cross eyed, so she planted her fingers on his chest. His eyes flickered under those dark lashes, then they shot up to look her in the face. His fingertips stilled.

“You seriously meant it saying I could stay here? Even when you’re not?”

He nodded, “I know living with Harper and Cullen isn’t ideal.”

“It’ll mean Cullen won’t have to sleep on the sofa for one thing.”

His fingers pinched her leg, making her fidget, which from her position only served to make Tim squirm too.

“You deserve nice things too. And I know it’s a bit crazy, asking you to move in after such a short time but –”

“But I feel safe with you. And I… There’s something here I’ve never had before. Or,” Stephanie flopped down on top of Tim and he immediately cradled her. She stroked her fingers back and forth on his chest, over a scar that ran from his clavicle to his sternum. Like he had been clawed at. She didn’t miss his muscles twitch as she did so. “Or it’s like, I knew it once. In another life. ‘S’why I’m not frightened of it.”

There was a short stretch were Tim deliberated what she had said. The quiet made Stephanie nervous, so she softly, barely more than a breath, said, “I think I’m in love with you.”

Tim looked down at her in shock. She tilted her head up to stare back and begged, “Or am I taking it too seriously?”

Only a moment of blankness, then he smiled widely. “No. I don’t think you are.”

The expression on her face was indulgent, and then she nodded. She didn’t expect him to say it back, not now, not this boy who seemed so at odds with his own emotions. He hadn’t rejected her, and had said in more than enough words that she had wriggled her way into his head and heart, so that was enough to start with. Or at least that was what she told herself.

“Okay. I believe you.”

A warmth in Tim’s chest replaced the weight of anxiety and he quietly laughed. She curled tighter around him, and his fingers pressed into her soft skin. She liked the pressure. Face buried in her hair, Tim said,

“I have to leave tonight, and I’ll don’t know when I’ll back, so do you wanna get your stuff moved now?”

“In a bit.” And Stephanie began to kiss his collarbone. “Want more quiet time with you. Is that okay?”

“That’s okay.”

* * *

**7.**

_"Let me put this as nicely as possible. It's none of your business. We've been living our lives in public for a long time now and we've lost track of why we came together as Teen Titans. We don't care if you call us heroes or villains. We don't care about your clicks or likes or your reality shows or your endorsements. We only care about what's right, and we'll be damned if we'll let you tell us what that is."_

Stephanie rewound Red Robin’s little speech over and over again. It was plastered all over YouTube, and she couldn’t help her grimace watching it. Several people dead countless pieces of property gone kaboom, what looked like a very disjointed team…

Seemed Batboy self-righteousness had kicked in big time. Stephanie wondered if it was taught or if it was a pre-requisite for the job.

Barbara leaned over the back of the sofa, sighing when she saw what Stephanie was watching.

“Lesson number one Spoiler. Don’t ever think you know better than the authorities.”

“But –”

“I’m not saying that we don’t know better, because honestly I think time has proven otherwise, but don’t ever get it into your own head. The minute you believe you know better… it’s a slippery slope is all I’m saying.”

“He’s just angry,” she defended weakly.

“Probably at himself more than anything.” And then Babs pinched the phone and sat it on the table. “Come on. I didn’t call Black Canary out here for you to talk boys.”

*****

“Are you going to make a joke about jail?”

There was a slight pause on the line as Tim processed her words and tone.

“Haven’t you ever wanted to date a bad boy?”

His attempt at a joke was met with silence, not even Stephanie’s breath was heard over the call. Tim sighed, he had misjudged her mood.

“You don’t need to worry.”

“Don’t I?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Tim saw on one of his computer screens another news report of another ‘Robin Law’ being passed by the City Chambers. Which should _not_ have been possible following regular bureaucratic red tape. He was going to need to investigate this. The whole thing stank of manipulation and… Steph had asked him a question. He should answer it.

“Not about me anyway. Have you seen all this news about these Robin Laws?”

“I live here. Kind of hard to miss,” she sighed, her pissy mood cracking and making way for sympathy. “That poor boy. That poor shop keeper…I mean, not to bang a hypocrite’s drum, but these kids need help if they’re really thinking of sticking to the whole Robin gig.”

“Oh, they need help alright.” Scoffing, he typed away for a second, then clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “They need a reality check about playing hero.”

“Tim…” she sighed resignedly.

Another pregnant pause. “You’re angry with me.”

“Anger born of worry.”

“I don’t understand.”

“…No. I suppose you don’t.”

Some message popped up on one of his screens, and Tim swore.

“What is it?”

“Damian’s caught wind of it. Of course, he has. Brilliant. Listen, I have to go.”

If he had expected her to snark something back bitterly, he was surprised to hear nothing but sadness.

“Okay Tim.”

“I… Stephanie, what’s wrong? No wait. I’ll coming back home in a bit. It’s better to talk in person.”

“That’s true,” she confirmed quietly.

“Okay. Good. I need to call Red Hood now. I’ll see you in a day or two.”

“Bye, baby. Be good.”

Despite her melancholic disposition, she still managed to make him smile. Her pet names were numerous and indulgent, sometimes cloyingly sweet, but Tim shivered with delight from her open affection. He hung up, only to immediately realize that he hadn’t returned her goodbye.

She was upset. Though she said not at him. For him. She was worried? Why?

Tim tried to compartmentalize his concerns. He had said it himself – some conversations were best held face to face. Besides, he had more pressing worries. Namely, a Robin returning to Gotham with the likely intention of harming largely innocent and misguided adolescents. Damian’s protective nature over the Robin title would cause no other possible action.

*****

“When are you meeting up with them?”

“In an hour or so.”

“’Kay…Come with me? Just for a little while? Wanna show you something.”

Stephanie held out her hand, and immediately Tim took it. They were in a run-down part of Burnley, near a former theatre which had been abandoned after one of Clayface’s rampages. They ducked under a makeshift barricade, watching their footing as they snuck into the main auditorium.

“I used to come here a couple of years back when my mom and me would have arguments… I liked the quiet… and everything that had been left behind.”

She hopped over a wooden beam, still holding onto Red Robin, who followed dutifully.

“Have you heard from her at all?”

“No,” she said simply. Even Tim didn’t miss the haunting sadness in her reply.

Reflexively, he squeezed her hand.

Together they walked down the aisle, then into the orchestra’s pit.

“Here,” she said, tugging him over.

He stared at the grand piano. Covered in dust, and no doubt out of tune, he peaked inside, and saw many of the wires were snapped or damaged. The thing was unplayable.

“You play any instruments?” The acoustics of the hall made her query reverb wonderfully across the space, even with the collapsed circle and booths up above.

“No,” he raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t following her train of thought.

“Ah, no. Too busy with computers and gymnastics I guess.”

She ran her fingers over the faded keys, disturbing the dust.

“Do… do you?”

“Piano,” she laughed. “I was real good before I stopped my lessons.”

“Well, why did you stop?”

She gave him a look that he supposed was pity. “I’ll tell you another time.” Distractedly, she pressed a key. Tim winced at it’s awful sound. Stephanie sighed, and let her fingers fall away.

“I like Liszt,” she hugged her forearms. “Anyone who plays piano likes Liszt. He’s supposed to be one of the greatest pianists of all time. He did a lot of fun pieces. Hard. Fast. When you first start getting good, you have a moment where you think that the big old composers aren’t as brilliant as everyone makes out. Then your music teacher fails you at your next exam ‘cause you tried to go too fast too quick and didn’t get the basics right.”

“I feel like I’m missing something. Why did you bring me here? Are you still angry at me?” he licked his lips nervously. “I’m not good with metaphors if this story is one.”

She looked back at him, shocked. “No. No, I was never angry at you. You had good intentions with your team. Things just got messy.”

“Then why…”

“Tim…” she sighed, then beckoned him over to her. “Did you mean it though? What you said to the crowds. About how you know better than them about what’s right.”

“Yes. Maybe – maybe... maybe my tone was off because I was angry. But we were losing our direction and searching for approval from the wrong people in the wrong way. It’s our job to protect people. That’s all. We can’t rely on regular law enforcement, if we could then our jobs wouldn’t exist,” he chewed his lip, thinking out loud. “Though that would be nice… I guess. Less likely to die before I’m forty for sure and –”

She sighed and he watched as her shoulders relaxed and the tension fled her body. It seemed he said the right thing, as she finally smiled brightly.

“Why were you worried?” he asked.

Stephanie chewed her lip. “I like that you’re the smartest person in the room. I just don’t like superiority. Raises my hackles.”

“But I am the smartest person in the room…about 90% of the time.”

“Har har Mister…” She moved close and tugged at the straps that crossed over his chest. Quietly, she resolved to keep an eye on his arrogance. His entitlement. Maybe it was arrogance on her behalf, but she thought she could act as a counter measure to such ideas. “You’re right though. Would be nice if I could trust Gotham police to be like, actually competent. But that means you’ve got completely change the system.”

She could practically hear the lightbulb go ping in his head and his eyes light up. He opened his mouth to speak, but then the words got caught, and instead he just kind of mouthed words at her. She smiled, showing no teeth, and knew soon enough he would tell her what was on his mind.

Tim quickly grew frustrated being unable to verbalize what he was thinking and huffed to himself.

Stephanie gave him a way out, changing the subject. “Actually, speaking of your big brain, I have my last exams coming up in a few weeks. You wanna help me study?”

“I am your best option.”

“Humility, sweetheart!” she barked, laughing. “Humility! Have you heard of it?”

He tugged her into an embrace. “I see no reason to downplay me or my abilities. Yes, I would love to help you study. How about when I’m done catching up with the others?”

“Sounds good.”

“Babs says you’re doing really well in Burnside.”

“Did she? Did she really?” she jumped for joy in Tim’s arms, who looked on, enamored. “Oh, that’s so good to hear! I’m having so much fun and learning a lot and… ah! I’m so happy.”

She threw herself into a kiss, and Tim sighed, happy in a way he had never really felt before. “Are you?” he asked.

“Five months ago, I hadn’t slept in a bed for weeks. Now look. Got a new family. Better family.”

Tim kissed each cheek and she blushed. The next day, when Red Robin was spending time with his brothers, she arrived back at their apartment to a free-standing Yamaha keyboard piano neatly tucked in at the foot of the bed.

Stephanie spent the morning trying not to crack under the pressure and look at the price, but by lunchtime she did, and promptly dropped her bowl of cereal.

* * *

**8.**

_"To be a Robin, you have to understand what you don't know. And then you must seek to know it. You must always ask, how can I see into the dark? Batman once told me, being a Robin can be summarized in one word: Investigation."_

Stephanie’s phone vibrated from where it was perched on the microwave. Absentmindedly, she unlocked it, glugging a mug of hot chocolate she had lovingly re-heated.

_On my way now, there’s something going down at the south docklands. Be home in less than five._

She smiled, as she had been expecting a message from Tim for the past couple of hours. Stephanie dumped her mug in the sink, then turned to grab her mask and reply, only to find Batman (Bruce) glaring at her from the other side of the counter.

Instinctively at finding a strange man in Tim’s (her) apartment, she shrieked, and flung her phone at his head. With anyone else it would have caught them off guard, but Batman only reached up smoothly and caught it. He looked at the screen, reading the texts Tim and Stephanie had been exchanging.

Stephanie yelled wordlessly and rushed forward, pinching the device back.

“Privacy!” she huffed. “Oh my God, this family…”

“Family?” his tone was low but curious.

She blushed. “Never mind that. Hello? You’re not amnesia’d anymore?”

His lip twitched, “No.”

“Oh. Well, hello then. Again. You missed a lot, but I’m sure others have filled you in,” Fidgeting, she tucked her phone into one of the pockets of her thigh holster. “How are you? Do you need help with a case? A third party to voice your woes to in a nun-judgmental manner?”

“Spoiler…” he sighed heavily, like maybe if it had been any other day, he would have found her teasing amusing. As it was, he wanted past her babbling.

“Yes…sir?”

“You live here?”

“Yes.”

“With Red Robin.”

“When he deigns to grace the city with his presence, yes.”

He looked around the apartment. It was small, a studio more than anything. Two rooms – the bathroom being one of them. The living space was taken up by two sofas, one of which doubled as their bed. It a bed sofa that – as Tim was so rarely in Gotham anyway – had only truly started being used by Stephanie. It had quickly become a relaxing routine, every night at nine before patrol setting it up, and every morning at eleven snapping everything back into place. It was comfy enough, she supposed. Tiredness meant the odd awkward beam in her back didn’t really impact how heavily she slept.

She realized that Batman was still staring at the bed sofa, lips downturned. Impossibly, she grew even more embarrassed.

“You are… _hnng_ … together then?” Batman asked.

“Yes. Listen, can I help you with something?” she said, tone a little pointed.

“I have just spoken to Cassandra and Harper. Harper has decided to retire Bluebird. Cassandra has decided to continue as Orphan.”

“Yah huh…?”

“What about you?” he finally turned back around.

She swallowed a large lump in her throat. “Tim and I spoke about it a lot. He said I had to find a good reason to wear the costume. Spiting my dad was only a starting point.”

Batman said nothing.

“So, I’ve decided to keep going with this because I want to help people. I don’t want people like my father getting away with what he did. I want to protect Gotham. One person at a time if need be but… that’s all.”

“That’s all?” Batman asked, incredulous.

“Is… is that not good enough?” she doubted only for a moment, then rolled her shoulders back. “’Cause I’ve been doing it the entire time you’ve been running around looking like a lumberjack, so –”

“I know what you’ve been doing whilst I’ve been out of commission, Spoiler. I want you to know, if I had been present, what happened with Hasigawa would have never gotten as far as it did. You wouldn’t have been left to fend for yourself again.”

Her lower lip wobbled. “Oh. Well, it’s not your fault. But thank you anyway.”

“Black Canary and Batgirl have been training you?”

“Nightwing too. Sent me videos to practice with. It’s not the same as in person but…”

“He is a good teacher. Stephanie, I would like you to start coming to the cave more regularly, so I can say what stage you are at.”

A potential invitation to the inner circle of the bat family. Tempting.

“There’s an ulterior motive here, isn’t there? Tim makes it sound like there always is with you,” she spoke quietly, not knowing how he would take that.

“Maybe I want to check you don’t have character habits that make you ill-suited to wear a mask in this city.”

“Maybe. But then you would have told me so months ago…” She took a step forward around the counter to stand in the living space. “Is it about Tim?”

Her stab in the dark was apparently a nail on the head, as Batman’s large chest heaved a sigh. Stephanie barked a laugh, then, over Batman’s shoulder she saw Tim had arrived home.

Tim paused with one leg slung over the windowsill, watching the pair suspiciously.

Oh dear. Potential timed bomb incoming. Tick tock tick tock…

“What is he doing here?” he asked flatly.

Batman exhaled in a manner which reminded Stephanie of a bull.

_Tick tock tick tock!_

“Asking me what my intentions are with you probably, though he won’t admit it,” she teased, ducking around Batman’s solid black form. “ _Not_ that he has any say in the matter.”

She was smiling a little fakely as she said it. She hoped she wasn’t offending Batman. She hoped instead she was showing that she was settled and comfortable alongside Tim. That she had good humor about the whole thing and wasn’t going to be intimidated. Tim reached for her hand and held it tight. That helped a lot.

“No…” Tim reiterated. “He doesn’t.”

Being nosy, Stephanie resolved to learn more about Tim and Bruce’s relationship. _Something_ was going on there. Naively, she wanted to help.

It was later, when she was visiting the cave, when Batman had finally taken off his cowl around her, that Bruce opened up to her.

“I too would like Tim home more often,” he admitted.

“Well yeah, but I’m not gonna force him. If he’s happier with his team, if he can do more good there than here –”

“I’m not so sure of that.”

“What do you mean? I know that things have been a little wild with the Titans but they do good.”

“They do well enough, but I would still prefer him here in Gotham.”

Stephanie looked up from a sample she was inspecting through a microscope.

“Is something going to happen?”

“Call it a hunch.”

She switched slides and made a few notes. Bruce inspected what she wrote and hummed approvingly.

“Then give him the option. I mean I’m sure he knows I’d be happy if he stayed here, but maybe hearing it from you might be the tipping point. But it has to be his own choice you know? The boy has a million and one ideas in his head, I assume more than half of them are about Gotham. I get the feeling this family thrives on things being left unsaid, sometimes honesty is the best policy I find.”

“You sound like Dick.”

“That’s a good thing… right?” she laughed nervously, then paused, resting her hand on the table. “For what it’s worth… I love Tim. I want him to be happy. But I also do want him with me.”

“I believe that.”

“The former comes first though. It has to.”

“ _Hnn_.”

Even during a heart to heart, Bruce was giving nothing away. She wouldn’t get any vulnerability from the man, not today. Leaning back, she tapped at the first sample to her left. “It’s this one that carries the infection.”

“Correct,” he nodded.

Stephanie grinned a thanks and rested her chin on the palm of her hand. “Do I pass then?”

In response, Bruce actually smiled at her. Well, his lip twitched, but it counted.

*****

“He’s horrid sometimes,” Tim muttered as they wandered through the park. It was mid-October, and already Stephanie had felt the need to bundle up.

“He’s a bit frightening to me,” she said, gripping Tim’s hand. He wasn’t wearing gloves and his fingers were frigid and stiff, but they intertwined tightly with her own. “But he’s not horrid. Just…unnerving. And I think he's sad… If nothing else, a man of few words!”

“That’s his way. Say as little as possible so you’ll doubt yourself and slip up. Then he can pull a technical ‘I knew this would happen and now I can make you feel three inches tall.’” Tim kicked at pebbles. “Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything, but if he does ever do that, bark back. He won’t react but he does take a chiding every now and then.”

“A chiding?” she snorted. “I’m not his keeper.”

“No, you’re mine,” Tim breathed.

Slowly Stephanie stopped. “Wait, what?”

“My keeper? No, that sounds odd doesn’t it. Antiquated,” Tim continued on blithely, leaving Stephanie standing. “I just mean in terms of us being responsible for each other. I look after you, you look after me? I know I haven’t been home much, but I’ve been thinking about everything that’s been happening…”

He trailed off and looked behind him, seeing Steph still standing still. She had a pinched look on her face, like she had come to a realization. He tilted his head, confused, then reached his arm for her. There was an uncomfortable pause, but she soon made her way over and retook his hand.

“You’ve been calling Gotham your home more often,” she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I remember when you said you wanted nothing to do with it.”

The expression on Tim’s face indicated he had not realized he had done it either.

“Maybe… maybe…” Again, he got stuck on his words. Stephanie rubbed his back, trying to look encouraging. His cheeks were flushed with color, and not just from the cold. “Maybe you are home. For me.”

He whispered it like he was confessing the darkest of secrets, the worst of sins. Stephanie got choked up, but managed to strangle out,

“Home is a feeling, not a place, I think.”

Tim nodded like her explanation rang true. A place, a feeling, a _person._ “Yes. I like that.”

She was his? Maybe not. But he was hers. And what he felt for her, well that was his choice. End of.

“Thank you, Tim,” she whispered as she hugged him.

“For what?” he muttered into her coat.

“For giving me a home too. For believing in me from the word go. For every bright idea that comes into your head to make the world a better place. You give me so much hope. I think it’s needed in this city.”

“Stephanie? Do you want me to stay in Gotham with you?”

_Yes._

“You can’t abandon your team. But I won’t leave Gotham. We’re both needed in different places.”

“But I’m not so sure I am anymore. Not with them. Maybe Gotham needs me more. Bruce has been hinting at it enough, and you…”

Her chest felt tight. She didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment, but still…

“I don’t matter as much as your team.”

She honestly wasn’t trying to guilt trip. She wasn’t trying to throw a pity party, because for her, it was a fact. Her relationship with Tim should not have mattered as much to him as the friends he had spent _years_ fighting alongside. Not the girl back home he’d been dating for a month and had known for not much longer. Tim had ambition, and he certainly was not to give them up because she wasn’t ready to leave behind Gotham until she found her own sense of purpose.

It made perfect logical sense to her. She just didn’t matter as much to Tim, as much as he mattered to her.

Somehow, he followed her train of thought and immediately rebutted it. “You’re my girlfriend. That means you matter to me.”

They both blushed and looked at their feet.

“Look at us,” Stephanie looked up at him, eye bright and wet. “You’d think you hadn’t seen me butt naked last night.”

Impossibly, Tim grew redder.

“Words make it more real. Yeah, we say actions speak louder than words and all that, but still.”

“They can speak plenty loud on their own, I think. But hey, listen. Whether or not you come home –”

“To you.”

“To… me..,” she repeated slowly, her chest fluttering with infatuated butterflies. “It has to be your choice.”

“Okay, but maybe I want to make an informed choice. Maybe I wanna know what _you_ want me to do.”

“What I want doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” he replied firmly. He meant it in general, not just for this one moment for this one topic in this once conversation, but he didn’t know if she caught it.

Stephanie stroked Tim’s jaw, mind running in an overdrive. _I want to go on patrol with you. I want you to teach me more of your tech wiz knowledge. I want to… I want to be worthy of you calling me your home. I’m tired of being left behind and having to make do by myself. I’m tired of being self-sufficient after trusting the wrong people. I want the person I love with me._

“I… I would like you to spend more time in person with me. I love you, so of course I want it. But please don’t think of me as a ball and chain. You go wherever you need to go to be the best version of yourself.”

Tim nodded, thinking hard. “My girl back home?”

She gave him a look that could only be described as a stink face. He laughed at her disgust at such a label.

“See? You know you deserve more than that.”

“Woah no. Don’t go changing the subject. We’re talking about you, honey. My self-esteem is for a later date thank you.”

Tim kissed her, then they started walking again.

“I don’t know,” he admitted finally.

“It’s okay to not know, remember? You can take your time. I’m definitely not going anywhere.”

He squeezed her hand, and they continued on their walk.

“Babs helped you? In the end?” Tim asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. They had settled on the bank of the lake and Stephanie had pulled a bag of peas to feed the ducks with.

“Yes,” she said, tossing the food out to a pair of wood ducks. Absentmindedly, she noted how male birds tended to look more flamboyant then the ladies. The male looked very handsome in his green feathers, whilst the brown female waggled her tail happily as she hoovered up the vegetables. “She helped a lot. More than she needed to.”

“She’s the best of us, though no-one but Dick would say that to her face.”

She finished tossing out her peas, and the quacking of the ducks settled as they lingered around the pair, curious if she had anything else to give.

“Speaking of Dick…what went down the other week? I saw all the Robins got arrested for a hot second. You gonna make it habit of going to jail?”

“I really hope not,” he pulled his knees up to his chest, looking very vulnerable. “I don’t know what to make of Dick anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

He explained what he understood of the We Are Robin gang, the Court of Owls, Damian’s deal with the Court, and Dick’s role in it all. After he got the gang and his brother arrested, Tim, Jason, Damian and Duke did not hear from Dick until the end, after the conflict had ended. Something had gone on behind closed doors, Tim knew it. But as always, Dick was playing his cards close to his chest. He would smile, nod, make an irreverent comment, and the conversation would be moved onto another topic.

By the end of his story, Tim was clenching his fists repeatedly, staring at the way the tendons in his wrists flexed.

“You were right about the lying about his death thing. Bruce pushed him into it because Dick would sell his soul to protect his family. I found the camera footage of their fight. Bruce practically blackmailed him into going to Spyral. Bruce thought he covered it up, but I found it. It wasn’t hard.” There was no smugness in his declaration, only a distant haunted expression. “I can’t be mad at Dick for what he’s gone through. But then everything with that _Mother_ woman, he went behind my back and lied again and then with this… again he _lied._ Tried to do everything himself, pushed us away locked us away safe except it only served to put us in _more_ danger and then just… something has gone down with him and the Court. I know it. He’s digging himself down with Spyral and the Court and…”

Stephanie waited until he caught his breath.

“I trust him. I do. I admire him.”

“But you worry about him.”

“It’s his worst nightmare. Being like Bruce. And yes, sometimes Bruce will throw you under the bus. But so will Dick, and… I can’t figure out if it’s worse that Dick will do it with a smile on his face. It feels like watching someone on a roller coaster. You can see where it’s going. You can see how far they have to go and what speed they’re climbing. _Click, click, click_ up they go. And you’re just waiting for that moment when they tumble down the other side. And maybe you can see that part of the track is broken, but you can’t stop the ride. You’re just waiting so you can watch the crash.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Dick won’t ever admit to us how bad a situation is. He plays whatever role he needs to. For me Jason and Damian it’s big brother who carries the weight of the world. He won’t ever admit weakness to us, because in his eyes it means he’s failed in his job.”

“He puts a lot of pressure on himself.”

“So, I worry. I’m hoping the worst has passed. From the sounds of it Spyral may be about to implode. If he does manage to take it down, he can finally come home,” he exhaled harshly through his nose, concluding, “Dick isn’t meant to be alone.”

“No-one is. I’m sure he’s grateful to have you in his life.”

She said it like she understood that maybe Tim had been speaking as much about himself as Dick. Tim looked at Stephanie gratefully and kissed her again.

“You sure you’re not a saint?”

Her eyes creased in her beautiful smile. “Very charming. It’s nice to have you talk to me like this. I’m happy you trust me to vent.”

“You’re very good at listening. I don’t even know how you do it. All of our conversations turn to me. You’ve not had it easy either, but you don’t talk about it.”

She shrugged, “I don’t like to linger. I know what I’m like. I get stuck on a feeling and over analyze it to death, getting nothing done and going nowhere. I need something – someone – else to focus on. I’ll drive myself batty if I don’t.”

“Ha. Batty.”

“Eyyy, see what a clever girl you date,” she dryly retorted. “I told you, I’m happy. I’m so happy. Happiest I’ve ever been. Why would I want to linger on times when I wasn’t?”

Tim swallowed dryly, trying to make her understand. “I don’t want you to think that your pain is less important than mine.”

Something flickered in her expression. A panic, a wobble. But Tim couldn’t pull it out of her, because a mandarin duck flapped over them, kicking Stephanie in the head as it did so.

She squealed and flinched away, and Tim’s chance was over.

Later that night, when they had returned from patrol, he had insisted on staying up late.

“Honey, are you sure?”

He was sat in a thick sweater and pants on the second sofa, the ghoulish blue of his laptop screen on the coffee table lighting up his tired face strangely. He had a nasty bruise developing that was going to stain his clavicle and neck wine red. He looked up at Steph, who was looking awfully inviting in his bed. She had curled the sheets around her like a cocoon and had seemed to sink into the mattress she was so settled.

“I’ve got some work I really need to get done. Don’t worry. The light though, does it bother you?”

“No. Like a night light.” And she closed her eyes and burrowed her face into her pillow. “You better be in bed with me when I wake up in five hours.”

“Promise.”

“’Kay. Night, baby,” she yawned.

Tim watched her for a long while, until he was sure she had fallen asleep. He looked down at the screen, the cursor blinking, waiting for him to continue coding start up instructions for the Belfry’s backup security system, then back to Steph.

He locked the screen, having added nothing, then crawled into bed with her. Slowly he got behind her so he could hold her. She snorted softly as he put one leg between hers and pulled her back against his chest. With his free hand he reached over to her outstretched palm, resting his on top.

Instantly his muscles went lax, and he inhaled deeply. Still used lavender shampoo…

With a muted jolt, he realized how much he wanted this. Not just for times when he was called back. He wanted this every night. The normality and comfort that was so at odds with his night job and all its danger and uncertainty.

Oh, this warmth was more dangerous then he’d first realized. But he was in too deep now and had no desire to back out. Tim closed his eyes.

“Night, sweetheart,” he whispered.

Stephanie moving their joint hands to her mouth and kissing his knuckles before letting them rest on the mattress let Tim know that she had, in fact, been awake for his declaration. If he was prepared for her to tease, it never came. She shifted and resettled, and the pair fell asleep entangled in each other.

* * *

**9.**

_“I got your message…you’re sure…”_

_“Yeah. These are the people. This is the way to do it, if we’re going to do it right.”_

_“Steph’s really coming into her own, isn’t she?”_

“I’m moving back to Gotham.” 

The declaration was abrupt enough that Stephanie nearly chopped through her fingers instead of the butternut squash she was hacking into. _Bulk making soup night._ She dropped the knife on the counter, remembering enough of herself to know she shouldn’t be holding sharp objects when excited.

“Really? Really? Wait what changed? What made you decide?”

“I go where I am needed,” he explained. “Bruce and you need me more than the Titans. And Steph, things have always been rocky with him, but I think this is his way of mending bridges. I can’t let go of that chance. He’s gotten me a new costume and everything.”

“No more wings?”

“Don’t sound too happy.”

She cackled and jogged over for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her up off the floor briefly. He could have left it at that, but no. He needed to tell the truth. He had spoken enough about how he enjoyed the novelty of being able to, but when the opportunity to do so stared him in the face, he became frightened. He didn't like not knowing how Stephanie would react. She was so sharp though, she would see through any attempt at deflection with little to no effort. Usually he loved her for it. At this precise moment, he dreaded it. With a tight chest, he breathed in her shampoo scent, then spat out,

“It’s not permanent though.”

“Oh?” Stephanie tried to keep her tone level. She felt Tim heave a sigh, his cool breath brushing against her neck and back.

“Yeah, but don’t get mad.”

She pulled back, just a little, so she could bump her forehead against his. He was looking down, nervous. Oh dear. Something more was going on here than meets the eye. E _ncouraging, Stephanie. Be encouraging..._

“I _promise_ I won’t get mad.”

His eyes fluttered, as if he remembered who he was talking to. “Right. No, you won’t.”

“Why won’t it be permanent?” she gently prodded. Her usual manner of speak directly, speak truthfully, speak softly worked wonders on Tim. She was never cruel though. Whoever said the truth hurts had just never heard of timing and good intent.

“I…I’ve started wondering about the cape and costume in general really. After I help Bruce kick start this project…I’m wondering if I should try something else. Like college.”

 _That_ was not what she was expecting. She was expecting a couple of months at most to help Bruce with whatever impending doom he had foreseen, not, home for a couple of months then off to campus to get a mortarboard and gown. The very idea of Tim removing himself from the very scenario that brought them together in the first place baffled her, but she still found it intriguing. 

She told Tim as much, and he nodded, thoughtful. He then buried his face back into her shoulder like she was his personal hot water bottle.

“You said it was okay to not know. So, I want to be sure. Try out other options.”

Stephanie tried not to let her glee leak through. A boy had actually taken into consideration her thoughts and opinions. _That_ was a rare enough thing to make a note of. Mentally at least.

“Have you told Bruce?” she asked, keeping the spoken conversation on track.

He shook his head. “No. But I can look the options myself. He’ll be…happy, no matter what.”

Stephanie’s heart broke a little at how unsure he sounded.

“Can I help at all?”

“Yeah actually,” he pulled away. “Can you help with the submission? I need to write an essay. You’re better at it than me.”

Again, A boy had actually taken into consideration her thoughts and opinions. How she had struck gold like this, Stephanie silently thanked the heavens. She always relished the chance to be useful, even in something as 'everyday' as a college application. She laughed, full of joy.

“Of course! What college you thinking anyway? Not Gotham?”

“Ivy.”

Stephanie’s eyes widened and she chewed her tongue, amused. “Of course. Only the best huh?”

“I can do it.”

“’Course you can. I’d be happy to help.”

Tim smiled his thanks, then broke away from the embrace. “I’ve gotta go to the old Wayne Tower for a bit, you want me back for a certain time?”

“Half six,” she said, returning to hacking away at the rock-hard vegetable. “With any luck there will be a soup ready by then.”

“I’ll bring bread back?”

“And butter.”

“’Kay. Imma get changed then head out.”

She smiled. It was funny how much his vocabulary relaxed when he wasn’t trying to impress folk.

“Bye Tim.”

“I’ll be home in a bit!”

Silence returned to the apartment after he left through his usual portal of the window. She became distracted, thinking through the consequences of Tim's potential (permanent) diversion, and lost track of what her hands were doing. Stephanie pressed so hard down on the knife to cut through the squash, she pressed too firmly on the top of the blade with her left palm, and with a horrid pain and realization, slit her palm open.

She cried out and turned, hoping somehow that Tim had lingered for a moment, but no, he was gone. She grabbed a tea towel and pressed down, letting the scarlet red flow into the sink.

“Hey Alexa,” she said, voice wobbling just a little. “Can you call Ti… Can you call Cassandra for me?”

Alexa’s mechanical voice rang out, and she was put through to Cassandra, who answered with a curious noise. Stephanie exhaled, hoping she had made the right decision.

Tim didn’t need her ruining his night.

Turned out stitches were beyond Cassandra’s area of expertise, so instead, she ended up with a recently re-masked Nightwing seeing to her (albeit without his…actual mask) in the cave.

“Don’t tell Tim,” she begged.

Dick scoffed, wiping the line down with an iodine mixture. Her hand was promptly stained orange and she held in a whimper at the sting.

“I know he is lacking sometimes in the inter-personal department, but he is still a detective. He’ll notice this.”

Stephanie's entire body heaved with her sigh. “I suppose so. I don’t want him to worry.”

“He doesn’t need to." Dick reassured. "The stitches will dissolve on their own. And you will be left with a puckered palm, but nothing more. You’re lucky you didn’t hurt your nerves.”

“Lucky, huh?”

Dick raised his eyebrows and began to wrap up her hand.

“Leave this one for a day.”

She nodded, watching him as he concentrated on his work. She hadn’t had a one on one conversation with Nightwing at all since that night Harper was attacked… Sue her, she was curious about him. His reputation preceded him almost as much as Batman, especially in recent months following all those conversations with Tim.

“Are you back in Gotham now? With us?”

He shook his head. His face was blank. Polite but not invested in her question. “Some things I have to iron out alone and with my Titans.”

Chewing her tongue, she took a risk and asked, “Do you want to stay in Gotham? Like after? Or no...”

His eyes flickered up to hers, just for a moment, but then he looked back down. Something in his dark blue eyes made her shiver. Voice light, he said, “Stephanie?”

“Yes?”

“No offense, but…”

“None of my business,” she laughed brokenly. “Sorry. No, I get that.”

He sighed, not sounding angry. “It’s fine. All done.”

Dick smiled and returned her hand to her. She clasped it to her stomach and gave her thanks.

Tim wasn’t exaggerating, Nightwing had the best poker face she had ever seen, and he seemed even less keen to spend time in Gotham than Tim had been.

Never mind. She would try for Tim where she could, but maybe it wasn’t her place. Still, it stung that she had hit a brick wall so quickly. There was still a lot she was not privy to or allowed to know. Maybe she had convinced herself that she was 'in' the batfamily. This short, albeit polite, conversation had thrown that back out the window.

Maybe it didn't matter. She had worked alone before, she could do it again.

...Didn't mean she wanted to though.

She looked down at her stinging palm and hopped off the counter. _Don't overthink,_ she urged herself. That way only lead to catastrophe. Focus on what she knew, not what she didn't. It was the best way to grow and learn. She repeated it to herself over and over, and tried to convince herself that the senior members did in fact trust her. They did. Honest.

*****

“Here Tim, gone through it with a red pen.”

Tim took the paper from her, looking uncharacteristically nervous. “And?”

Stephanie pulled her own laptop in front of her, looking at some ‘homework’ Babs had sent her. “It’s good! Redraft, then I’ll look through it again. Redraft, another look, final version, then submit!” she grabbed a piece of gum and began chewing. “I made some comments at the end, but otherwise it’s mostly grammar and structure. You have a lot of good thoughts – it’s just getting them in the right order.”

Tim’s face grew increasingly tight as he read through her red marks. She watched him politely.

“The hardest part is the first draft,” she explained. “All uphill from here.”

He frowned, then slapped the paper down. Huffing like a three-year-old, he crossed his arms.

“I won’t bother.”

Stephanie physically jolted. “Huh? What?”

“It’s a waste of time.”

“But I printed all these pamphlets off at the library…”

“I will pay you back for the ink.”

“No, I…” She scoffed and leaned over. Shaking the paper, she repeated, “This is good stuff Tim. This program to me sounds right up your street. If you don’t get in, whatever. If you do –”

“I can make a real difference,” he said, lowering his crossed arms. Gosh, sometimes this boy was changeable. Stephanie kept on prodding.

“Right, so what’s the worst that can happen? You get told no, ask for feedback then try again next year?” she popped a bubble with her gum. “It’s your choice, Tim, but I think it’s worth a serious go.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed, he looked down, then back at her.

“I have a plan.”

Stephanie blew another bubble and nodded, asking him to continue.

“I’ll apply. If I get in, I’ll tell Bruce. If not, I’ll bury myself in shame.”

“Cool. I’ll pick you a nice tombstone. It’ll say, ‘Here lies Tim. He died from the shame of not getting his way that one time.’”

“Your mocking is not welcome.”

“Oh, but it’s so easy.”

“Yeah, yeah… but what will you do if I get in? Would you come with me?”

Her mood sobered up. “I don’t think so. I want to study too eventually. Maybe. But no way I could get into Ivy or any of the New England colleges. Too fancy. I can’t afford them. I’m happy to stay in Gotham, to be honest. It’s my home,” she paused, chewing her lip nervously. “Is that…will that not work? Long distance again?”

“I’ve gotten used to being around you all the time.”

“And that’s a good thing?”

Tim heard the anxiety in her question. Chewing his inner cheek, he set aside his papers and knelt on the floor in front of her seat. He grabbed the hand that she had sliced and kissed it very deliberately.

“It is. I don’t want to be without you anymore. But we’ve done it before. We can do it again. Besides, it’s only a couple of hours away on the train.”

Stephanie smirked. “Faster on the bat cycle.”

“Hm. Besides, it’s all for moot if I don’t get in.”

Her hand ran through his hair. “Only one way to find out.”

“I hear you… I’ll work on it tomorrow. What about you? What’s Babs sent you?”

She sat up so Tim could slide behind her, propping her half upright.

“Encryption. I’m not getting it,” she admitted.

“I can help, let me read through it.”

He reached over at the keyboard, tapping away. Stephanie nestled in, gripping his elbow as he caught up with her work. Curled up with him like this, it was very tempting to just doze off and let work slide away unfinished. The silence continued for a little while as Tim caught up with Babs' assignment and Stephanie's progress, the only noise being Tim's slim fingers hitting against the touch pad and Stephanie's chewing her gum.

“Batman… may have us working some big cases soon,” Tim eventually muttered, clicking from screen to screen.

“Oh?”

“It’s why I won’t be shattered if the college application falls through. Got some big stuff for us on the horizon.”

“He wants me?” she asked, earlier nerves from her conversation with Dick leaking through. She hadn't told Tim about her anxiety or fears. They weren't really something that could be logiced (or kissed) away. Still, Tim heard her apprehension, and felt her grip on his elbow tighten. His stubborn nature kicked in. He didn't like this part of her, the part that felt she didn't belong, that deserved to be left behind and forgotten. The very concept was incomprehensible to him.

“As much as you don’t believe it, Batman thinks you’ve got a lot of potential. You’re not going to be left behind anymore. I won’t allow it.”

He saw her chest rattle with a wet breath, and he nuzzled the back of her head like a cat. She squeezed his elbow as her thanks and smiled.

“Love you,” she breathed.

Tim tensed, just for a moment, then very quietly whispered back,

“Love you too.”

Heaven. She was in heaven.

* * *

**10.**

_“Steph, listen. These last few months have been incredible. You helped me discover exactly what I wanted to do with my life. The kind of man I would be. I wish I was going to be there for you.”_

_“Tim… don’t hang up. Stay with me!”_

_“I love you, Steph.”_

Sometimes, when she hadn’t slept for three days, when Kate would snap at her for not being good enough in training at the Belfry –

_Tim built that, Tim had died there, his suit remained posed in a ghoulish memorial when she wanted nothing more to rip it down_

– When Bruce would watch her, lips pressed together, when she would wander around aimlessly at 6 in the morning to watch the sunrise (a hollow empty thing she loathed to see proving everyone goes on but _he_ won’t and her world has stopped) there would be a part of her – just for a moment – that wanted to fling herself into the river. God knows Bruce was waiting for it. For her to go full Ophelia. Dead father absent mother dead love…

But the urge would never become more than a passing thought. She was tired. That was all. Tired, and sad, and _lonely…_

She could not, _would_ not, stop helping people. Even if she doubted what she was doing was the best way, or even the right way.

But for most of her days she would linger in their apartment, standing like a ghost, staring at nothing.

Sometimes it had felt like her world had narrowed down to the late night quiet of this studio apartment on Park Row. That world had ended violently and abruptly. Where to go what to do how to do it…

She kept going at night. She owed it to the city, to its citizens, (to Tim), but she resolved to herself that she had to stay, for now.

The pain would fade. Eventually. Like it had started to for her father and mother. Like it had started to for her friends who had died after the bombing. Someone else would love her and look at like she was made of star light. Someone else would call her home. Someone else would cradle her at three in the morning after a nightmare, or value her opinions above almost any other.

Someone else.

She didn’t want someone else. She just wanted Tim.

Was that selfish?

She’d once told him that she didn’t like to linger. That would she drive herself insane if she stopped and thought about what she had gone through for more than five minutes. She’d collapse under the weight of it all if she paused. Tim had not been convinced.

But Tim was gone, and her world had stopped.

And so, she collapsed.

**Author's Note:**

> Comics Referenced:
> 
> 1\. Batman Eternal #1-52 (Stephanie's reintroduction to Gotham)  
> 2\. Robin Rises: Omega, Batman and Robin Vol. 2, 33-37, Robin Rises: Alpha (Damian returns from the dead)  
> 3\. Teen Titans Vol. 5 #1-8 and Teen Titans Annual Vol. 5 #1, Batman Vol. 2 39 and 40, and Detective Comics: Endgame #1 (Tim gets into hot water with Star Labs with the Titans, Bruce loses his memory after another fight with the Joker where Tim and Stephanie appear in side issues or cameos)  
> 4\. Catwoman #42-46, Batgirl Annual #3, Grayson #12 (Dick reveals to not be dead to his family, Stephanie goes for training with Catwoman and tries to stop a mob massacre, fails, and goes into hiding)  
> 5\. Batgirl Vol. 4 #46 and #47, Batman and Robin Eternal #1-7 (Babs helps Steph, threat with Mother and Cass' reintroduction to Gotham)  
> 6\. Batman and Robin Eternal #8-26 (Mother is defeated)  
> 7\. Teen Titans Vol. 5 #9 -14, Batgirl Vol. 4 #49-51 (Tim gets into more hot water with the Titans, Steph trains with Babs and Dinah)  
> 8\. Batman and Robin Eternal #26 and Robin War (Harper retires, Cassandra takes on Orphan, Dick makes a deal with the Court of Owls to save Damian, Duke moves towards being a full time member of the Batfam)  
> 9\. Teen Titans Vol. 5 #16-23, Teen Titans Vol. 5 Annual #2, Robin 80th Anniversary and Detective Comics #950 (Tim decides that the Titans no longer need him, and agree to help Bruce set up Gotham Knights protocol building up the Metal event)  
> 10\. Detective Comics #934-940 (Tim and Steph in canon are confirmed to be a couple, Tim 'dies' in a drone attack, Stephanie does not cope well)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! I'm on tumblr at the same user id if you ever wanna chat. See you next time!


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